Word Count: 5,451/189,000
Rating: PG-13
Summary:After Kurt was rejected from NYADA, we were dying to find out what
happened next. We couldn't wait for the September premiere. Here is our
take of what happened from the letter opening and beyond.
Author's Note:
Oh My Gawd, our very first fanfic! Welcome! Pull up a comfy chair and
help yourself to the Latte Machine. My favorite is the Mocha. This story
came about when a friend and I were throwing around ideas about what
may happen next season. Then we were discussing what might have happened
after Kurt, Rachel, and Finn opened their letters. I decided to write a
fanfic and asked my friend AlignedStars to beta it for me. Well, she
beta’d so well she was promoted to co-author! I could never do this
without her.
Our plan is to have a 3 book series. The first is
the summer before season 4, the second, the first half of season 4, and
the third is the second half. It is a work in progress, so bear with
us. We will try to put out a chapter a week, if not more.
Now for disclaimers. Neither AlignedStars nor KurtsieKalanai own Glee. If we did, we wouldn’t be writing fics. J
Second, we don’t own the songs in the fic. We do use songs like the
show but they fit into the story. Songs will be linked at the end of
chapter A/N Third, this is AU so things do not work EXACTLY like canon.
We try to stick to canon the best we can, however. Characters may be
OOC, but there are reasons why.
Lastly, we want to welcome you to
our Alternate Glee Universe! We hope you enjoy the ride! And please, we
would love any little bit of feedback you can give. To paraphrase Rachel
Berry, we need feedback to live!
Thanks: We
couldn’t have done this without the help of Wayne Kotke, our beta. We
also wanted to thank the gang over at Gleekast for their tremendous
support
******************************************************
“I didn’t get in.”
That was it. Everything Kurt Hummel had worked for over the last year was gone. All his hopes and dreams vanished into thin air. The only thing Kurt felt was numb. He wanted to be alone, to run and hide away from everyone as he was increasingly feeling embarrassed by his failing to get in to NYADA . Dammit! He had done nothing but talk about New York and NYADA to the point where even Blaine and his Dad had to ask him to stop. And now he had to face them, face everybody and tell them he had failed at something, yet again. Tears burned in his eyes. He needed time to work out his feelings but had to stay and see if Rachel got into NYADA. However, based on her audition, he thought they would both need to find a new dream.
“I’m so sorry, Kurt,” Rachel Berry said comfortingly. After consoling Kurt on his rejection, Rachel slowly picked up her letter. The fear in her eyes made Kurt feel even worse.
“Rachel has been waiting for this moment all her life,” Kurt thought. Finn Hudson had his arm around his brother, supporting Kurt even though he was rejected from Pace University not 2 minutes before. Rachel opened her letter and read, her face blank. Tears formed in her eyes. “Oh damn,” Kurt added, “We are so screwed. Guess we are both Lima losers, at least for the immediate future.”
Without taking her eyes off the letter, Rachel whispered, “I got in.”
Kurt couldn’t believe it. He felt his face redden and he stopped trying to hide back his tears. “Congratulations,” he said numbly. “You’ll do great.” He tried to smile, but all he could give was a bitter smirk. An assortment of thoughts ran through his head. “This is so unfair, this is so unreal. I hate this. I hate you, Rachel Berry. I hate everybody. Why did this happen to me?”
“Kurt, I am so sorry. Can we talk about this?” Rachel said with tears sliding down her cheeks. “This isn’t only my dream; this was for all of us.”
Kurt put on his brave face. “Rach, you know how much I love you but I really need to be alone right now. Besides, Blaine is waiting for me. He understood how much I wanted to do this with you two,” he said as he ripped his own letter in half. He moved over to where Rachel was crying and brought her in for a hug. “Really, congratulations, Rachel. We’ll work this out.”
“I love you, Kurt. You’ll always be my best gay,” she whispered into his shoulder.
Kurt gave a small smile over his shoulder to Finn and responded, “And you’ll always be my Barbra. I love you too, Rachel Berry. Your name will be in lights before we know it!”
After Kurt pulled away from Rachel, Finn pulled his smaller brother in for a bone crushing hug. “Dude, I am so sorry about this. We’ll sit down with Burt and Mom and figure things out. Will I see you back at home?”
“Sure, sure. You go celebrate. Talk to you later,” Kurt said quietly. Rachel was looking at him with a concerned look on her face. This was not the Kurt Hummel she knew, not at all. The look in his eyes was cold like steel. All love of life had disappeared.
*******
As Kurt left the choir room, Rachel threw herself in her fiancé’s arms and started sobbing. Yes, she was ecstatic that she made NYADA. It was only one of the most prestigious musical theater programs in America, nay, the world! Without Kurt and Finn, though, her victory felt hollow.
“Finn, this is not fair!” she sobbed. “We had our dreams! We were going to get a little apartment in Manhattan and go on adventures and I was going to star in our own musical!”
Finn nodded against her hair. He felt torn. He wasn’t too bothered about being rejected from Pace because, truth be told, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do that. He still felt as lost as he had a few months ago when Schue and Miss Pillsbury pulled him into her office to talk about his future. Right now he was more worried about the two most important people in his life.
He wasn’t sure whether to be happy that his fiancée got into the school of her choice or to be upset that his brother didn’t. He didn’t do emotions well, so he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. The way he dealt with his feelings was through sports or video games. Unfortunately, he was far away from both.
Finn held Rachel at arm’s length and said, “Rachel, come on, sweetie. You need to calm down. This is a day for celebration! I’m sure that your Dads will want to take you out for a celebration dinner. This is a good thing, right?”
Rachel always confused him. He hoped he was saying the right thing. You could never be sure with her. Just like going out to eat with her. You never knew for sure if the food was the right kind. You might think it was the right kind but then it would have eggs in it or something and be the wrong kind. Sometimes just thinking about what to say to Rachel made Finn’s head hurt. And she could be scary if he got it wrong. Finn found himself looking nervously around the room and fidgeting with his hands.
Rachel was having one of her very rare selfless moments. Finn noticed that those rare moments had become much less rare over the past few months, and this pleased him. “Finn, did you see Kurt? I think this broke him! The look in his eyes scared me,” she said as she moved towards the choir room door. “I need to catch up to him. I’m not going to New York without either of you.”
Finn gently grabbed her arm before she could run out into the hall. “Rach, you should know Kurt by now. When he says he wants to be alone, he doesn’t want to talk to ANYONE. Not me, not Blaine, not even Burt. I think right now he needs a little time to himself. I’m sure he will be up for one of your famous Hummel-Berry sleepovers in a couple days.”
Rachel pulled out a tissue from her purse and sniffed, “As usual, my wonderful, handsome fiancée is the voice of reason to my voice of insanity. But as happy as I am, I’m more worried for my best friend. I’ll text him later.” She looked out the door down the hall. “Let’s get home. I am sure that Daddy and Papa are foaming at the mouth waiting to find out if I got in or not. They are going to be so disappointed when they find out I’ll be deferring my admission until next year, but I’m sure they will support me in any decision I make.” She walked out the door, about to leave McKinley as a student for the last time.
Finn just stood there, stunned. He would not let Rachel give up her dream. It was the one thing she had worked towards for the majority of her life. For now, he needed to take Rachel home then get back to his brother, who he was sure had a broken heart.
******
Kurt walked slowly down the hall and wanted to get out of William McKinley High School as soon as possible. Yes, this place was the source of great friends and some of the best moments of his life, but it was also a source of untold misery. He wondered if he would miss any of it. The glee club was his family and he suspected he would be in contact with many of them for years to come. But the rest, no, he wouldn’t miss it. He was glad to be rid of the assholes that made his life a living hell for 4 years. He would be getting out of this place and going to New York where he….
“Oh shit, I’m not getting out of this damn cow town,” thought Kurt with a start. “I have to see these people every single day for the rest of my life. Might as well get used to working at Dad’s shop, because that seems to be the only thing I’m good for. Finn and I will take over the business and live happily ever after. Yeah, right.”
Kurt looked around. Where was Blaine? Oh that’s right. Blaine wanted to run a quick errand. He sent a text to his boyfriend:
I have news. Come get me.
A few seconds later, he received a response from his boyfriend.
I’m at the mall. Be there in a few minutes. Love you!
Instead of heading out to the parking lot, he walked to the auditorium. This was a place of joy, and he wanted to experience it one last time. Goodness knows if he would ever see a stage again. The best thing he could hope for was bit parts in Community Theater, and Lima wasn’t known for their stellar theater arts.
Spying no one in the large auditorium, he slipped in the side door and walked onto the stage. Taking a seat on the edge of the stage, he put his head in his hands. He felt helpless and hopeless and awful and frustrated and wanted to cry or scream or beat up something. Too many emotions started rushing through him and the tears started to flow again.
“Kurt?” called a voice from offstage. Kurt looked up to see Mr. Schuester. “Why aren’t you out celebrating with the others? Emma and I were going to join you later.”
“Hey Mr. Schue,” said Kurt wiping the tears off his face and onto the top of his pants legs. As much as he loved his glee teacher, he just wanted to wallow in self-pity for a few minutes. “I just wanted to spend my last minutes here in the place that I loved the most.”
Will came over and sat down next to his newly minted former student. “Hey Kurt, what’s wrong? I thought you would be happy to get out of here,” he asked with concern.
Kurt fought back the urge to start bawling, to break down in front of the man who has helped him get through these three very difficult years. “I didn’t get in,” he murmured.
“Oh damn, Kurt, I’m so sorry,” Will said, putting his hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m sure you and Rachel will be able to try out next year. I have an idea to…”
“She got in,” Kurt interrupted. He really didn’t want to talk about Rachel right now.
“Oh.” Thinking his words over carefully, Will debated sharing the phone call he had received the week before from Madame Thibideaux. She had called Will to ask about Rachel and her experience. While he gave the Recruiter a glowing recommendation about Rachel, he had only mentioned Kurt in passing.
“Oh is right,” returned Kurt looking at Will hard. “Surprising outcome, although not entirely unexpected.” Kurt got up and brushed the dust off his pants. He didn’t even care if they got dirty. “Well, I better get going. Thanks for everything, Mr. Schue.” He put out his hand to shake his former teacher’s hand.
“None of that Kurt. New Directions is a family, and you’re still one of us whether you like it or not,” Will said as he pulled Kurt in for a hug. The boy was surprised at first as he didn’t like to be touched unexpectedly but went ahead and returned the sentiment so he could get out of there as fast as possible. He had so many things he wanted to say to Mr. Schue, but he just didn’t have the energy or the desire to do so right now.
Will pulled out a business card, wrote down a telephone number and explained, “Here’s my cell number, Kurt. I want you to call or text any time you need me. In fact, can you come to my office next week, once you decompress? Emma brought up an idea just yesterday that I think would be a perfect fit for you.”
Kurt looked at him skeptically. What did he mean and why would Mrs. Pillsbury be looking at stuff for him? Had she known something? “I’m not sure if that is a good idea, Mr. Schue. I think this is a message from the greater universe that I’m destined to be a Lima Loser,” he informed and realizing what he had said added, “No offense.”
“None taken. Staying here was my choice. I had my chance and I chose my love…all of you. Who knows where my life might take me in the near future. We have the wedding, and you’re still going to plan that, right?” Will asked hopefully.
“I guess so, “Kurt replied. The last thing he wanted right now was to be around other people. Happy people, successful people; people who had their dream. Just about every other person in the New Directions, except him and well, Finn, got exactly what they wanted. Maybe the Hudson-Hummel household was cursed. “I’ll call you early next week,” said Kurt as he walked away with a wave, leaving Will standing on the stage.
He stopped for a moment to see Blaine had sent him a message that he was ready to pick him up. Before he left the auditorium, the teacher called to him.
“Hey Kurt?”
“Yes, Mr. Schue?” Kurt replied as he turned around to face his former teacher.
“You know you don’t have to call me Mr. Schue anymore. You aren’t my student. Please call me Will.”
Kurt gave a sad little smile. At that moment, he wished he WAS Will’s student. Then he wouldn’t have to face his future in Lima. “Sure thing Mr. Sch….Will. Until next week,” he said with a hangdog expression. Will noticed how sad he looked.
After Kurt left, Will pulled out his phone and brought up his fiancée’s number. “Hey sweetie, it’s me. Can you take out that file of information we had for Kurt? I think it is time to start phase 2 of Operation: Get Kurt to New York,” he said with a glint in his eye.
*****
Blaine Anderson was worried. He was really worried. When Kurt texted him, he was at the mall buying his boyfriend a congratulatory gift. He had picked out an adorable white picture frame with happy puppy faces on it and the words “Puppy Love” along the bottom edge. He planned to put his favorite picture of the two of them in it so Kurt could take it with him to New York.
But Kurt’s last couple of texts were odd and unsettling.
Blaine had recently accepted the fact that Kurt was going to be leaving in a few months and they would be dating long distance. It was only 9 or so months, right? And they weren’t so far away that weekend visits were out of the question. And, if he understood it right, Kurt would have college breaks that were longer than public school breaks and could come back home during those times. Rachel even said she would have a little space for Blaine’s stuff in their fabulous Manhattan apartment, so he could keep a change of clothes or two there and not have to cart stuff back and forth all the time. They were going to arrange several Skype sessions a week, pending their school schedule. It was going to be fine.
So when his phone vibrated with a new message Blaine pulled it out of his pocket and swore under his breath. He expected a message full of excitement and way too many exclamation points. Other than a small update, all that it said was, “I have news.”
“Shit. Shit, shit shit!” he thought as he paid for the frame. This could NOT be good.
“Poor Kurt cannot get a break,” he murmured as he exited the mall to his car and drove back to the school.
Kurt was ecstatic with Blaine’s transfer to McKinley last fall. It was a hollow victory of sorts for Blaine. While he got his way, his relationship with his parents changed. The void between them widened and he doubted it could ever be repaired. He could never tell Kurt what a personal sacrifice changing schools involved.
These past few years were so hard on Kurt, and Blaine had a feeling it was about to get a little bit harder, but this year was the worst. Not only did Kurt lose the student election by default due to Rachel stuffing the ballot boxes, he lost out on the lead on West Side Story because he did not fit the typical Tony image. Kurt had long ago told Blaine that he was proud that he landed the lead role, but Blaine wasn’t ever really sure. Kurt really wanted that part.
Blaine felt REALLY guilty about getting the role of Tony, but as his boyfriend told him time and time again, Blaine had won it fair and square. However, in the back of his mind, Blaine wondered if Kurt had played Tony, would it have improved his odds at getting in NYADA?
Blaine sighed and put his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. Kurt should be along any minute now. The boys had been invited to Rachel’s end of school year celebration and they promised they would go. But Kurt’s text worried Blaine.
He watched as Kurt approached the car from the auditorium. Okay, that was odd. What was he doing there? Instead of a huge rush of emotion from Kurt, he was greeted with a blank face. Something was terribly wrong. “Hey babe,” Blaine said and touched his boyfriend on the shoulder. “How did it go?”
Kurt mumbled something quietly, but Blaine couldn’t understand what he said. “Excuse me?” he asked politely.
Kurt passed over the torn letter and stared down at his hands. “This is so like Kurt, I bet he ripped it up with a theatrical flourish. He’s such a diva,” Blaine thought. Blaine put the pieces of the letter back into order, grabbed some tape out of his book bag, and slowly began repairing the letter as it gave him a chance to prepare himself for its contents.
Dear Mr. Hummel:
First and foremost, I would like to let you know what a pleasure it was to meet you at your audition. I stand by my comment that your performance of “Not the Boy Next Door” was exemplary. I think you have the potential to go far in whatever you do.
That being said, I regret to inform you…..
Blaine didn’t have to read any more of the letter. He would never admit it to Kurt, but he was secretly relieved that Kurt wouldn’t be leaving him. Yet, he wanted to throw it out the window and take Kurt into his arms to comfort him. There wasn’t a look of hurt on Kurt’s face. There wasn’t much of anything. That worried him immensely. He knew Kurt kept things in, internalizing any hurt he felt. It eventually cumulated into something intense and dramatic for all involved.
Blaine passed back the repaired letter. “Kurt, I’m so sorry,” he said with as much comfort in his voice that he could muster. He thought back to all the therapy sessions he had been through, put on his best empathy voice, and advised, “I can only imagine how much hurt you’re feeling right now. It’s only normal for you to feel shock and anger. We can talk this out. I’m sure you and Rachel can work on your resumes and…”
“Why does everyone say that?” Kurt yelled. Blaine flinched and Kurt realized who he was talking to. In a much quieter voice he said, “Sorry Blaine, I’m not mad at you. You’re the second person who said pretty much the same thing to me. Rachel got in.”
“What? How? Where….I saw that audition! You should have been a shoe in! Well, at least compared to Rachel,” said Blaine, his voice getting a little frantic.
“Well apparently they saw more talent in her three lines than in my entire song. Oh well, I expected this. Like I said to Mr. Schue…Will, I’m destined to be a Lima Loser,” Kurt said, his voice cracking on the last two words.
“Please don’t say that,” Blaine scolded, reaching over the seat to his boyfriend to bring him into a loving embrace, only to have his arms gently pushed away by Kurt.
“Blaine, I’m barely keeping myself together. Being in your wonderful warm arms would send me over the edge. So please, back off, ok?” Kurt asked. He didn’t want to push his boyfriend away, but it was the only way to keep from breaking down.
Blaine was a little hurt at the rebuke but completely understood. “Look, we don’t have to go to Rachel’s party. We can swing by the store and get some Ben & Jerry’s and we can cuddle while watching Sound of Music.”
Kurt understood that his boyfriend was trying to comfort him, but it wasn’t comforting that he needed right now. It was solitude. “No, Blaine. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I really need to be by myself right now. Why don’t you go to the party? I promise as soon as I’m ready for company, I’ll text you and we will gorge ourselves on as much junk food as you please. I may even join you at the party later,” he promised.
“Kurt, please,” said Blaine. The last thing he wanted to do was leave his boyfriend alone. Being alone led to thinking, and thinking to depression, and from depression, he didn’t want to think about. He knew what Kurt was going through; he had been in a similar situation a time or two in the past. His parents had the therapy bills to prove it.
Kurt forced a small smile and said with a fake happy tone, “Really, I promise I’ll be fine. Just drive me home and you can take your car to the party. That way I can join you later. I just want to think of some options. It’s my own damn fault for not applying to other schools. What was I thinking?”
Blaine wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t want to upset Kurt further. “Okay, but you need to promise that you will call me as soon as you need me. I will make my appearance, attempt to have a good time and I will be home before you know it.”
“Ok, Dad,” Kurt snarked, but not unkindly.
During the ride home, Kurt’s mood went from numb to angry. If he was going to be able to live in this shithole cow town and not be ostracized, he would need to make some major changes. It was the only way. It seemed the only way to fit into Lima is to conform to the middle America’s idea of “normal.” No one was allowed to express themselves. Look at the glee club, for example. Every one of its members tried to express themselves in one way or another and each member became a pariah. Even the former popular members of New Directions were affected. Kurt didn’t share his thoughts with Blaine because what he had to do had to be done alone. It was time to be the actor he wanted to be before his life came crashing down.
Once they arrived home, Kurt gave his boyfriend a kiss and urged, “Go, have fun. Sing some Katy Perry. As I’m sure you’re aware, Rachel’s karaoke collection is legendary.” Maybe Kurt’s mood was improving, at least according to what Blaine had to see.
“Okay, Kurt, but I really feel bad leaving you like this,” whined Blaine. Kurt shut the car door and waved goodbye before running over to the front steps. “Okay, fine! Fine, I’m going,” Blaine said to himself.
Blaine blew him a kiss and backed out onto the street. Kurt waved and smiled as he drove away. When Blaine turned the corner and was out of sight, Kurt’s smile turned into a sneer and his eyes were back to the steel that Rachel saw at the school.
“I also have work to do,” he muttered as he dug out his keys and let himself into the house.
*****
As Blaine drove up to the Berry’s home, he noticed several cars already in the driveway. “Looks like the party’s inside. They must be celebrating Rachel’s acceptance letter,” Blaine sighed, not really sure if he wanted to go indoors. He missed Kurt when he wasn’t around. Kurt completed him. It was time to put on his brave face. Blaine put on his brightest showman’s smile and got out of the car.
Blaine and the father Berrys had a pretty good relationship. It was nice to have some adult role models in the gay community. Life was so confusing right now, and it was nice to have someone to talk to. He never had a mentor before so he had to muddle things through on his own. Kurt was his closest confidant, but sometimes it was nice to have a different point of view.
When Blaine walked up to the front yard he found Hiram and LeRoy Berry sitting on the front step, heads together and talking in low tones. When they saw Blaine, they stopped talking and stood up to greet their guest. The worried look they had on their faces was replaced with giant smiles.
“Hello Mr. and Mr. Berry,” greeted Blaine. “I take it the party is down in the stage room?”
“Blaine!” Hiram exclaimed. He pulled Blaine into a warm hug. Of all of Rachel’s friends, he always had a soft spot for this man and his boyfriend. “How many times do I have to tell you it is Hiram and LeRoy?”
“Sorry,” Blaine said, laughing. “Habit. I was raised to respect my elders.”
“Nonsense! We’re friends,” LeRoy said and noticed that Kurt was missing. “Will Sir Hummel be joining us later?” he quipped.
Blaine gave a small sad smile. “Hopefully. I assume you’ve already heard what happened?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” said Hiram, shaking his head. “Rachel arrived not five minutes ago and virtually threw herself in my arms sobbing. We are happy for our little girl, but devastated for Kurt. We are a bit concerned, however, that she informed us she will be staying in Lima for a year.”
Blaine was shocked. “That, I didn’t hear. Um…wow,” he said, shocked. Rachel normally wouldn’t stay in Lima for anything. She almost had tunnel vision in her need to get out of Ohio.
“We always support everything our little girl has done. We even supported her in this frankly premature wedding, but this screams Bad Idea,” said Hiram, wringing his hands nervously.
“Yes, a very bad idea,” LeRoy added. “No matter, everyone is downstairs. Unfortunately, it’s not a very party-like atmosphere. Rachel is still a bit upset and everyone is trying to calm her down.”
“I understand,” said Blaine awkwardly. “Well, I should get down there.”
As he made his way down to the party room Blaine thought, “How typical.” He loved Rachel like a sister, he really did. But his lover was the one who was rejected. He was the one sitting home alone with a broken heart. And somehow, Rachel was the one surrounded by her friends and being consoled because she was going to get her dream temporarily alone? How fair was that?
“We’re all going to make our way to New York eventually,” he thought bitterly. “Why aren’t these guys over at Kurt’s house making him feel better?” He realized with a start that he was one of those people that were there for Rachel when he should be back with Kurt. He resolved at that moment to spend a few minutes at the Berry house, and then rush back to the man that needed him. He also planned on having a stern talk with Finn about supporting his brother.
As he descended the stairs he found Rachel sitting on her couch with several of the current and former New Directions members surrounding her. Mercedes Jones and Santana Lopez were standing in the corner, whispering and giving Rachel subtle dirty looks. Rory Flanagan, who was still in the US for a week before he went home, was sitting on the floor ready to cry.
Rachel looked up to see Blaine standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Blaine?” she sniffed. “Is Kurt with you? I really wanted to talk to him.” She stood up and ran over to Blaine, putting her small arms around him.
“Sorry Rach,” he said, putting his face in her hair. “He needed some alone time to think about things.”
“Kurt hates me!!!” Rachel wailed. She had a talent for jumping to the most dramatic of conclusions.
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s happy for you. He just needed time alone to reflect,” Blaine said, holding Rachel at arm’s length. “Actually, I think I’m going to go back to him. I hate myself for leaving him alone like this.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything different. I was planning on postponing this party anyhow,” said Rachel. “Will you please tell Kurt to call me when he’s up to it?”
“Absolutely,” said Blaine.
“Dude, hold up. I’ll follow you home,” said Finn. He turned to Rachel. “Do you mind, Rach?”
“There’s no question, Finn. You need to be there for Kurt. Blaine, please tell him I’ll be over later this evening once I finish talking to Daddy and Papa,” Rachel said, wiping her eyes with the balled up tissue.
Finn gave Rachel a kiss, and Blaine gave her one last hug before running upstairs to their cars.
*****
Kurt was lying on his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. No one was home, so that made what he was going to do so much easier. He looked over to the floor beside his bed at the boxes and garbage bags he got from the garage.
Inside, Kurt felt a seismic shift. He felt like his life had turned upside down, and not in that “first time in love” way. He was so very angry at himself and he was just as angry at Rachel. She had him convinced that he was sure to get into NYADA. Because of that, he wouldn’t need to apply to any other schools. No, that wasn’t fair. He was just angry that Rachel was accepted. He was not angry at her. It was his fault that he didn’t apply to any other schools. Now the best he could hope for was some courses at the local community college. Well one silver lining was that he was going to be here for Blaine’s senior year.
“Lima Loser, Lima Loser, Lima Loser,” was looping endlessly in his mind. He stood up and started pacing across his room, building up courage for his new task at hand. He walked over to his walk in closet, his dresser, his bedroom door. Over and over again. His mind was racing. Suddenly he started singing:
That was it. Everything Kurt Hummel had worked for over the last year was gone. All his hopes and dreams vanished into thin air. The only thing Kurt felt was numb. He wanted to be alone, to run and hide away from everyone as he was increasingly feeling embarrassed by his failing to get in to NYADA . Dammit! He had done nothing but talk about New York and NYADA to the point where even Blaine and his Dad had to ask him to stop. And now he had to face them, face everybody and tell them he had failed at something, yet again. Tears burned in his eyes. He needed time to work out his feelings but had to stay and see if Rachel got into NYADA. However, based on her audition, he thought they would both need to find a new dream.
“I’m so sorry, Kurt,” Rachel Berry said comfortingly. After consoling Kurt on his rejection, Rachel slowly picked up her letter. The fear in her eyes made Kurt feel even worse.
“Rachel has been waiting for this moment all her life,” Kurt thought. Finn Hudson had his arm around his brother, supporting Kurt even though he was rejected from Pace University not 2 minutes before. Rachel opened her letter and read, her face blank. Tears formed in her eyes. “Oh damn,” Kurt added, “We are so screwed. Guess we are both Lima losers, at least for the immediate future.”
Without taking her eyes off the letter, Rachel whispered, “I got in.”
Kurt couldn’t believe it. He felt his face redden and he stopped trying to hide back his tears. “Congratulations,” he said numbly. “You’ll do great.” He tried to smile, but all he could give was a bitter smirk. An assortment of thoughts ran through his head. “This is so unfair, this is so unreal. I hate this. I hate you, Rachel Berry. I hate everybody. Why did this happen to me?”
“Kurt, I am so sorry. Can we talk about this?” Rachel said with tears sliding down her cheeks. “This isn’t only my dream; this was for all of us.”
Kurt put on his brave face. “Rach, you know how much I love you but I really need to be alone right now. Besides, Blaine is waiting for me. He understood how much I wanted to do this with you two,” he said as he ripped his own letter in half. He moved over to where Rachel was crying and brought her in for a hug. “Really, congratulations, Rachel. We’ll work this out.”
“I love you, Kurt. You’ll always be my best gay,” she whispered into his shoulder.
Kurt gave a small smile over his shoulder to Finn and responded, “And you’ll always be my Barbra. I love you too, Rachel Berry. Your name will be in lights before we know it!”
After Kurt pulled away from Rachel, Finn pulled his smaller brother in for a bone crushing hug. “Dude, I am so sorry about this. We’ll sit down with Burt and Mom and figure things out. Will I see you back at home?”
“Sure, sure. You go celebrate. Talk to you later,” Kurt said quietly. Rachel was looking at him with a concerned look on her face. This was not the Kurt Hummel she knew, not at all. The look in his eyes was cold like steel. All love of life had disappeared.
*******
As Kurt left the choir room, Rachel threw herself in her fiancé’s arms and started sobbing. Yes, she was ecstatic that she made NYADA. It was only one of the most prestigious musical theater programs in America, nay, the world! Without Kurt and Finn, though, her victory felt hollow.
“Finn, this is not fair!” she sobbed. “We had our dreams! We were going to get a little apartment in Manhattan and go on adventures and I was going to star in our own musical!”
Finn nodded against her hair. He felt torn. He wasn’t too bothered about being rejected from Pace because, truth be told, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do that. He still felt as lost as he had a few months ago when Schue and Miss Pillsbury pulled him into her office to talk about his future. Right now he was more worried about the two most important people in his life.
He wasn’t sure whether to be happy that his fiancée got into the school of her choice or to be upset that his brother didn’t. He didn’t do emotions well, so he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. The way he dealt with his feelings was through sports or video games. Unfortunately, he was far away from both.
Finn held Rachel at arm’s length and said, “Rachel, come on, sweetie. You need to calm down. This is a day for celebration! I’m sure that your Dads will want to take you out for a celebration dinner. This is a good thing, right?”
Rachel always confused him. He hoped he was saying the right thing. You could never be sure with her. Just like going out to eat with her. You never knew for sure if the food was the right kind. You might think it was the right kind but then it would have eggs in it or something and be the wrong kind. Sometimes just thinking about what to say to Rachel made Finn’s head hurt. And she could be scary if he got it wrong. Finn found himself looking nervously around the room and fidgeting with his hands.
Rachel was having one of her very rare selfless moments. Finn noticed that those rare moments had become much less rare over the past few months, and this pleased him. “Finn, did you see Kurt? I think this broke him! The look in his eyes scared me,” she said as she moved towards the choir room door. “I need to catch up to him. I’m not going to New York without either of you.”
Finn gently grabbed her arm before she could run out into the hall. “Rach, you should know Kurt by now. When he says he wants to be alone, he doesn’t want to talk to ANYONE. Not me, not Blaine, not even Burt. I think right now he needs a little time to himself. I’m sure he will be up for one of your famous Hummel-Berry sleepovers in a couple days.”
Rachel pulled out a tissue from her purse and sniffed, “As usual, my wonderful, handsome fiancée is the voice of reason to my voice of insanity. But as happy as I am, I’m more worried for my best friend. I’ll text him later.” She looked out the door down the hall. “Let’s get home. I am sure that Daddy and Papa are foaming at the mouth waiting to find out if I got in or not. They are going to be so disappointed when they find out I’ll be deferring my admission until next year, but I’m sure they will support me in any decision I make.” She walked out the door, about to leave McKinley as a student for the last time.
Finn just stood there, stunned. He would not let Rachel give up her dream. It was the one thing she had worked towards for the majority of her life. For now, he needed to take Rachel home then get back to his brother, who he was sure had a broken heart.
******
Kurt walked slowly down the hall and wanted to get out of William McKinley High School as soon as possible. Yes, this place was the source of great friends and some of the best moments of his life, but it was also a source of untold misery. He wondered if he would miss any of it. The glee club was his family and he suspected he would be in contact with many of them for years to come. But the rest, no, he wouldn’t miss it. He was glad to be rid of the assholes that made his life a living hell for 4 years. He would be getting out of this place and going to New York where he….
“Oh shit, I’m not getting out of this damn cow town,” thought Kurt with a start. “I have to see these people every single day for the rest of my life. Might as well get used to working at Dad’s shop, because that seems to be the only thing I’m good for. Finn and I will take over the business and live happily ever after. Yeah, right.”
Kurt looked around. Where was Blaine? Oh that’s right. Blaine wanted to run a quick errand. He sent a text to his boyfriend:
I have news. Come get me.
A few seconds later, he received a response from his boyfriend.
I’m at the mall. Be there in a few minutes. Love you!
Instead of heading out to the parking lot, he walked to the auditorium. This was a place of joy, and he wanted to experience it one last time. Goodness knows if he would ever see a stage again. The best thing he could hope for was bit parts in Community Theater, and Lima wasn’t known for their stellar theater arts.
Spying no one in the large auditorium, he slipped in the side door and walked onto the stage. Taking a seat on the edge of the stage, he put his head in his hands. He felt helpless and hopeless and awful and frustrated and wanted to cry or scream or beat up something. Too many emotions started rushing through him and the tears started to flow again.
“Kurt?” called a voice from offstage. Kurt looked up to see Mr. Schuester. “Why aren’t you out celebrating with the others? Emma and I were going to join you later.”
“Hey Mr. Schue,” said Kurt wiping the tears off his face and onto the top of his pants legs. As much as he loved his glee teacher, he just wanted to wallow in self-pity for a few minutes. “I just wanted to spend my last minutes here in the place that I loved the most.”
Will came over and sat down next to his newly minted former student. “Hey Kurt, what’s wrong? I thought you would be happy to get out of here,” he asked with concern.
Kurt fought back the urge to start bawling, to break down in front of the man who has helped him get through these three very difficult years. “I didn’t get in,” he murmured.
“Oh damn, Kurt, I’m so sorry,” Will said, putting his hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m sure you and Rachel will be able to try out next year. I have an idea to…”
“She got in,” Kurt interrupted. He really didn’t want to talk about Rachel right now.
“Oh.” Thinking his words over carefully, Will debated sharing the phone call he had received the week before from Madame Thibideaux. She had called Will to ask about Rachel and her experience. While he gave the Recruiter a glowing recommendation about Rachel, he had only mentioned Kurt in passing.
“Oh is right,” returned Kurt looking at Will hard. “Surprising outcome, although not entirely unexpected.” Kurt got up and brushed the dust off his pants. He didn’t even care if they got dirty. “Well, I better get going. Thanks for everything, Mr. Schue.” He put out his hand to shake his former teacher’s hand.
“None of that Kurt. New Directions is a family, and you’re still one of us whether you like it or not,” Will said as he pulled Kurt in for a hug. The boy was surprised at first as he didn’t like to be touched unexpectedly but went ahead and returned the sentiment so he could get out of there as fast as possible. He had so many things he wanted to say to Mr. Schue, but he just didn’t have the energy or the desire to do so right now.
Will pulled out a business card, wrote down a telephone number and explained, “Here’s my cell number, Kurt. I want you to call or text any time you need me. In fact, can you come to my office next week, once you decompress? Emma brought up an idea just yesterday that I think would be a perfect fit for you.”
Kurt looked at him skeptically. What did he mean and why would Mrs. Pillsbury be looking at stuff for him? Had she known something? “I’m not sure if that is a good idea, Mr. Schue. I think this is a message from the greater universe that I’m destined to be a Lima Loser,” he informed and realizing what he had said added, “No offense.”
“None taken. Staying here was my choice. I had my chance and I chose my love…all of you. Who knows where my life might take me in the near future. We have the wedding, and you’re still going to plan that, right?” Will asked hopefully.
“I guess so, “Kurt replied. The last thing he wanted right now was to be around other people. Happy people, successful people; people who had their dream. Just about every other person in the New Directions, except him and well, Finn, got exactly what they wanted. Maybe the Hudson-Hummel household was cursed. “I’ll call you early next week,” said Kurt as he walked away with a wave, leaving Will standing on the stage.
He stopped for a moment to see Blaine had sent him a message that he was ready to pick him up. Before he left the auditorium, the teacher called to him.
“Hey Kurt?”
“Yes, Mr. Schue?” Kurt replied as he turned around to face his former teacher.
“You know you don’t have to call me Mr. Schue anymore. You aren’t my student. Please call me Will.”
Kurt gave a sad little smile. At that moment, he wished he WAS Will’s student. Then he wouldn’t have to face his future in Lima. “Sure thing Mr. Sch….Will. Until next week,” he said with a hangdog expression. Will noticed how sad he looked.
After Kurt left, Will pulled out his phone and brought up his fiancée’s number. “Hey sweetie, it’s me. Can you take out that file of information we had for Kurt? I think it is time to start phase 2 of Operation: Get Kurt to New York,” he said with a glint in his eye.
*****
Blaine Anderson was worried. He was really worried. When Kurt texted him, he was at the mall buying his boyfriend a congratulatory gift. He had picked out an adorable white picture frame with happy puppy faces on it and the words “Puppy Love” along the bottom edge. He planned to put his favorite picture of the two of them in it so Kurt could take it with him to New York.
But Kurt’s last couple of texts were odd and unsettling.
Blaine had recently accepted the fact that Kurt was going to be leaving in a few months and they would be dating long distance. It was only 9 or so months, right? And they weren’t so far away that weekend visits were out of the question. And, if he understood it right, Kurt would have college breaks that were longer than public school breaks and could come back home during those times. Rachel even said she would have a little space for Blaine’s stuff in their fabulous Manhattan apartment, so he could keep a change of clothes or two there and not have to cart stuff back and forth all the time. They were going to arrange several Skype sessions a week, pending their school schedule. It was going to be fine.
So when his phone vibrated with a new message Blaine pulled it out of his pocket and swore under his breath. He expected a message full of excitement and way too many exclamation points. Other than a small update, all that it said was, “I have news.”
“Shit. Shit, shit shit!” he thought as he paid for the frame. This could NOT be good.
“Poor Kurt cannot get a break,” he murmured as he exited the mall to his car and drove back to the school.
Kurt was ecstatic with Blaine’s transfer to McKinley last fall. It was a hollow victory of sorts for Blaine. While he got his way, his relationship with his parents changed. The void between them widened and he doubted it could ever be repaired. He could never tell Kurt what a personal sacrifice changing schools involved.
These past few years were so hard on Kurt, and Blaine had a feeling it was about to get a little bit harder, but this year was the worst. Not only did Kurt lose the student election by default due to Rachel stuffing the ballot boxes, he lost out on the lead on West Side Story because he did not fit the typical Tony image. Kurt had long ago told Blaine that he was proud that he landed the lead role, but Blaine wasn’t ever really sure. Kurt really wanted that part.
Blaine felt REALLY guilty about getting the role of Tony, but as his boyfriend told him time and time again, Blaine had won it fair and square. However, in the back of his mind, Blaine wondered if Kurt had played Tony, would it have improved his odds at getting in NYADA?
Blaine sighed and put his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. Kurt should be along any minute now. The boys had been invited to Rachel’s end of school year celebration and they promised they would go. But Kurt’s text worried Blaine.
He watched as Kurt approached the car from the auditorium. Okay, that was odd. What was he doing there? Instead of a huge rush of emotion from Kurt, he was greeted with a blank face. Something was terribly wrong. “Hey babe,” Blaine said and touched his boyfriend on the shoulder. “How did it go?”
Kurt mumbled something quietly, but Blaine couldn’t understand what he said. “Excuse me?” he asked politely.
Kurt passed over the torn letter and stared down at his hands. “This is so like Kurt, I bet he ripped it up with a theatrical flourish. He’s such a diva,” Blaine thought. Blaine put the pieces of the letter back into order, grabbed some tape out of his book bag, and slowly began repairing the letter as it gave him a chance to prepare himself for its contents.
Dear Mr. Hummel:
First and foremost, I would like to let you know what a pleasure it was to meet you at your audition. I stand by my comment that your performance of “Not the Boy Next Door” was exemplary. I think you have the potential to go far in whatever you do.
That being said, I regret to inform you…..
Blaine didn’t have to read any more of the letter. He would never admit it to Kurt, but he was secretly relieved that Kurt wouldn’t be leaving him. Yet, he wanted to throw it out the window and take Kurt into his arms to comfort him. There wasn’t a look of hurt on Kurt’s face. There wasn’t much of anything. That worried him immensely. He knew Kurt kept things in, internalizing any hurt he felt. It eventually cumulated into something intense and dramatic for all involved.
Blaine passed back the repaired letter. “Kurt, I’m so sorry,” he said with as much comfort in his voice that he could muster. He thought back to all the therapy sessions he had been through, put on his best empathy voice, and advised, “I can only imagine how much hurt you’re feeling right now. It’s only normal for you to feel shock and anger. We can talk this out. I’m sure you and Rachel can work on your resumes and…”
“Why does everyone say that?” Kurt yelled. Blaine flinched and Kurt realized who he was talking to. In a much quieter voice he said, “Sorry Blaine, I’m not mad at you. You’re the second person who said pretty much the same thing to me. Rachel got in.”
“What? How? Where….I saw that audition! You should have been a shoe in! Well, at least compared to Rachel,” said Blaine, his voice getting a little frantic.
“Well apparently they saw more talent in her three lines than in my entire song. Oh well, I expected this. Like I said to Mr. Schue…Will, I’m destined to be a Lima Loser,” Kurt said, his voice cracking on the last two words.
“Please don’t say that,” Blaine scolded, reaching over the seat to his boyfriend to bring him into a loving embrace, only to have his arms gently pushed away by Kurt.
“Blaine, I’m barely keeping myself together. Being in your wonderful warm arms would send me over the edge. So please, back off, ok?” Kurt asked. He didn’t want to push his boyfriend away, but it was the only way to keep from breaking down.
Blaine was a little hurt at the rebuke but completely understood. “Look, we don’t have to go to Rachel’s party. We can swing by the store and get some Ben & Jerry’s and we can cuddle while watching Sound of Music.”
Kurt understood that his boyfriend was trying to comfort him, but it wasn’t comforting that he needed right now. It was solitude. “No, Blaine. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I really need to be by myself right now. Why don’t you go to the party? I promise as soon as I’m ready for company, I’ll text you and we will gorge ourselves on as much junk food as you please. I may even join you at the party later,” he promised.
“Kurt, please,” said Blaine. The last thing he wanted to do was leave his boyfriend alone. Being alone led to thinking, and thinking to depression, and from depression, he didn’t want to think about. He knew what Kurt was going through; he had been in a similar situation a time or two in the past. His parents had the therapy bills to prove it.
Kurt forced a small smile and said with a fake happy tone, “Really, I promise I’ll be fine. Just drive me home and you can take your car to the party. That way I can join you later. I just want to think of some options. It’s my own damn fault for not applying to other schools. What was I thinking?”
Blaine wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t want to upset Kurt further. “Okay, but you need to promise that you will call me as soon as you need me. I will make my appearance, attempt to have a good time and I will be home before you know it.”
“Ok, Dad,” Kurt snarked, but not unkindly.
During the ride home, Kurt’s mood went from numb to angry. If he was going to be able to live in this shithole cow town and not be ostracized, he would need to make some major changes. It was the only way. It seemed the only way to fit into Lima is to conform to the middle America’s idea of “normal.” No one was allowed to express themselves. Look at the glee club, for example. Every one of its members tried to express themselves in one way or another and each member became a pariah. Even the former popular members of New Directions were affected. Kurt didn’t share his thoughts with Blaine because what he had to do had to be done alone. It was time to be the actor he wanted to be before his life came crashing down.
Once they arrived home, Kurt gave his boyfriend a kiss and urged, “Go, have fun. Sing some Katy Perry. As I’m sure you’re aware, Rachel’s karaoke collection is legendary.” Maybe Kurt’s mood was improving, at least according to what Blaine had to see.
“Okay, Kurt, but I really feel bad leaving you like this,” whined Blaine. Kurt shut the car door and waved goodbye before running over to the front steps. “Okay, fine! Fine, I’m going,” Blaine said to himself.
Blaine blew him a kiss and backed out onto the street. Kurt waved and smiled as he drove away. When Blaine turned the corner and was out of sight, Kurt’s smile turned into a sneer and his eyes were back to the steel that Rachel saw at the school.
“I also have work to do,” he muttered as he dug out his keys and let himself into the house.
*****
As Blaine drove up to the Berry’s home, he noticed several cars already in the driveway. “Looks like the party’s inside. They must be celebrating Rachel’s acceptance letter,” Blaine sighed, not really sure if he wanted to go indoors. He missed Kurt when he wasn’t around. Kurt completed him. It was time to put on his brave face. Blaine put on his brightest showman’s smile and got out of the car.
Blaine and the father Berrys had a pretty good relationship. It was nice to have some adult role models in the gay community. Life was so confusing right now, and it was nice to have someone to talk to. He never had a mentor before so he had to muddle things through on his own. Kurt was his closest confidant, but sometimes it was nice to have a different point of view.
When Blaine walked up to the front yard he found Hiram and LeRoy Berry sitting on the front step, heads together and talking in low tones. When they saw Blaine, they stopped talking and stood up to greet their guest. The worried look they had on their faces was replaced with giant smiles.
“Hello Mr. and Mr. Berry,” greeted Blaine. “I take it the party is down in the stage room?”
“Blaine!” Hiram exclaimed. He pulled Blaine into a warm hug. Of all of Rachel’s friends, he always had a soft spot for this man and his boyfriend. “How many times do I have to tell you it is Hiram and LeRoy?”
“Sorry,” Blaine said, laughing. “Habit. I was raised to respect my elders.”
“Nonsense! We’re friends,” LeRoy said and noticed that Kurt was missing. “Will Sir Hummel be joining us later?” he quipped.
Blaine gave a small sad smile. “Hopefully. I assume you’ve already heard what happened?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” said Hiram, shaking his head. “Rachel arrived not five minutes ago and virtually threw herself in my arms sobbing. We are happy for our little girl, but devastated for Kurt. We are a bit concerned, however, that she informed us she will be staying in Lima for a year.”
Blaine was shocked. “That, I didn’t hear. Um…wow,” he said, shocked. Rachel normally wouldn’t stay in Lima for anything. She almost had tunnel vision in her need to get out of Ohio.
“We always support everything our little girl has done. We even supported her in this frankly premature wedding, but this screams Bad Idea,” said Hiram, wringing his hands nervously.
“Yes, a very bad idea,” LeRoy added. “No matter, everyone is downstairs. Unfortunately, it’s not a very party-like atmosphere. Rachel is still a bit upset and everyone is trying to calm her down.”
“I understand,” said Blaine awkwardly. “Well, I should get down there.”
As he made his way down to the party room Blaine thought, “How typical.” He loved Rachel like a sister, he really did. But his lover was the one who was rejected. He was the one sitting home alone with a broken heart. And somehow, Rachel was the one surrounded by her friends and being consoled because she was going to get her dream temporarily alone? How fair was that?
“We’re all going to make our way to New York eventually,” he thought bitterly. “Why aren’t these guys over at Kurt’s house making him feel better?” He realized with a start that he was one of those people that were there for Rachel when he should be back with Kurt. He resolved at that moment to spend a few minutes at the Berry house, and then rush back to the man that needed him. He also planned on having a stern talk with Finn about supporting his brother.
As he descended the stairs he found Rachel sitting on her couch with several of the current and former New Directions members surrounding her. Mercedes Jones and Santana Lopez were standing in the corner, whispering and giving Rachel subtle dirty looks. Rory Flanagan, who was still in the US for a week before he went home, was sitting on the floor ready to cry.
Rachel looked up to see Blaine standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Blaine?” she sniffed. “Is Kurt with you? I really wanted to talk to him.” She stood up and ran over to Blaine, putting her small arms around him.
“Sorry Rach,” he said, putting his face in her hair. “He needed some alone time to think about things.”
“Kurt hates me!!!” Rachel wailed. She had a talent for jumping to the most dramatic of conclusions.
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s happy for you. He just needed time alone to reflect,” Blaine said, holding Rachel at arm’s length. “Actually, I think I’m going to go back to him. I hate myself for leaving him alone like this.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything different. I was planning on postponing this party anyhow,” said Rachel. “Will you please tell Kurt to call me when he’s up to it?”
“Absolutely,” said Blaine.
“Dude, hold up. I’ll follow you home,” said Finn. He turned to Rachel. “Do you mind, Rach?”
“There’s no question, Finn. You need to be there for Kurt. Blaine, please tell him I’ll be over later this evening once I finish talking to Daddy and Papa,” Rachel said, wiping her eyes with the balled up tissue.
Finn gave Rachel a kiss, and Blaine gave her one last hug before running upstairs to their cars.
*****
Kurt was lying on his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. No one was home, so that made what he was going to do so much easier. He looked over to the floor beside his bed at the boxes and garbage bags he got from the garage.
Inside, Kurt felt a seismic shift. He felt like his life had turned upside down, and not in that “first time in love” way. He was so very angry at himself and he was just as angry at Rachel. She had him convinced that he was sure to get into NYADA. Because of that, he wouldn’t need to apply to any other schools. No, that wasn’t fair. He was just angry that Rachel was accepted. He was not angry at her. It was his fault that he didn’t apply to any other schools. Now the best he could hope for was some courses at the local community college. Well one silver lining was that he was going to be here for Blaine’s senior year.
“Lima Loser, Lima Loser, Lima Loser,” was looping endlessly in his mind. He stood up and started pacing across his room, building up courage for his new task at hand. He walked over to his walk in closet, his dresser, his bedroom door. Over and over again. His mind was racing. Suddenly he started singing:
“What
good is this pacing?
I don't even know what I'm doing!
I don't even know what trick I ought to try
NYADA, where are you?
Already killing my dream.
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?”
I don't even know what I'm doing!
I don't even know what trick I ought to try
NYADA, where are you?
Already killing my dream.
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?”
Kurt sat back on the bed, frustrated
and angry. He felt completely lost, not sure what to do next and continued
singing:
“No
good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!”
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!”
He walked over to the bookshelf and
pulled the Thunderclap, McKinley’s yearbook, from the shelf. He opened it to
the proper page and sang as he ripped it violently from the book:
He
whispered, “The Election…”
He sang a little louder, “West Side Story”
A bit louder, “NYADA.”
He sang a little louder, “West Side Story”
A bit louder, “NYADA.”
Kurt hurled his yearbook across the
room, knocking items off his dresser.
He
almost screamed, “NYADA!!”
He grabbed a box and walked over to
his shelves on the other side of the room. He then grabbed everything that
reminded him of that goddamned glee club and his life in McKinley and violently
threw them into boxes as he continued singing:
“One
question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why”
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why”
After clearing his shelf completely
of his high school and New Directions life, he grabbed a garbage bag and moved
over to his walk in closet. This was the key to his change. It all had to
go….every last scrap. eBay, Goodwill. Shit, it can all burn in a bonfire for
all he cared, but it had to go. He sang as he pulled garments off the hangers
and stuffed them into garbage bags.
“No
good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Lima be agreed
I'm a loser through and through
Since I cannot succeed
NYADA, attending you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again!”
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then:
Let all Lima be agreed
I'm a loser through and through
Since I cannot succeed
NYADA, attending you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again!”
The rest he could get rid of later.
He had to go to the mall and do some shopping. Before he left the room he
grabbed his framed group picture of New Directions and threw it on the floor,
shattering the glass with a satisfying crunch. Gawd, that felt good!
No
good deed
Will I do again!”
Will I do again!”
He left the room virtually trashed
and ran downstairs, grabbing his keys and wallet on the way. He went over to
his car, squealed out of the driveway, and sped to the mall. The Kurt Hummel
everyone knew and loved was gone. What was left was much darker.
***************
***************
A/N There
you go! Chapter 1 complete. Hope you like it! Feel free to leave feedback, we
love the stuff. FYI YouTube Link for No Good Deed from the musical Wicked
is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vXF60wtCQU
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