Cruel Summer Chapter 7 - Used to Be

Word Count: 5,196/189,000

Rating: PG-13

Summary: After Kurt was rejected from NYADA, we were dying to find out what happened next. We couldn't wait for the September premiere. Here is our take of what happened from the letter opening and beyond.

Author's Note: You guys are incredible! Today I am going to take my A/N space to address some questions from readers, so I apologize for the length. One reader asked if we are going to revisit the Will/Emma exchange from chapter 1. Remember, this entire story thus far is only about 2 days. We will be doing a slight time jump once this arc is over. Just so you know, it is being addressed in chapter 12 (the chapter I just finished).

Another reader made a comment about Kurt dumping lemonade on Artie’s head being OOC. I just wanted to assure you that we were aware that it might have been seen as OOC, but remember that Kurt is acting very erratic right now, so he is very unpredictable. No worries, we will get our Kurt back soon enough. Well, sort of. I don’t think he will ever be the same, at least in our world. And he does make it up to Blaine, although that might not be for a bit. We mostly wrote that scene for comedy, and to feature Brittany.

Tis time for disclaimers! Yippee!!! Neither KurtsieKalanai  nor AlignedStars own Glee. If we did, we would have guest star spots on the show! I (Kurtsie) want to be Kurt’s Aunt (Sorry Hathaway! You snooze, you lose!) and Aligned wants to take over for Mrs. Hagberg. Second, we don’t own the songs in the fic. We do use songs like the show but they fit into the story. Songs will be explained at the end of chapter. Third, this is AU so things do not work EXACTLY like canon. We try to stick to canon the best we can, however. Characters may be OOC, but there are reasons why, as you will soon see. We will also be introducing more Original Characters, as well as maybe starting to introduce existing new characters…Jake Puckerman maybe?

Thanks: Of course Wayne Kotke and Gleekast, for always being there. We also want to give a few shoutouts to some of our most supportive readers. First is Kestra. She gave us an incredible review! I hope we continue entertaining you. Our aim was to keep the spirit of the show, I am glad we are succeeding. The other two come from the Glee Forums. Rachel Hudson and Kurtsie46 have been a couple of our biggest supporters! This story is for you guys! Also, everyone else who reads, thank you so much! If you would like a shout out, let us know!

And finally, you know it’s coming. We would love feedback! I have a cold so I don’t have a clever feedback plea this chapter so yeah…feedback please!

**********

Blaine made a stop at the pharmacy for some bandages and antibiotic ointment and had Kurt wait in the car. His hands weren’t bleeding profusely or anything, but they did have dirt in them and would need to be cleaned up as soon as possible. He grabbed some alcohol, cotton balls, a bottle of water and a pack of Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit for good measure.

Blaine returned to the car to see Kurt with his head back against the seat and his eyes closed. He had stopped crying hard, but tears still seeped from his closed eyes. Blaine’s heart sank. “Why won’t this get any better?” he asked himself. “Why can’t I fix this?” Blaine got in the car and gently touched Kurt’s arm so he wouldn’t startle him.

Kurt hadn’t said a word on the drive over, but he looked at Blaine with a sad look on his face. “Hi,” he whispered.

“Look. Juicy Fruit!” Blaine said as he gave Kurt a big grin. “Chew a piece while I clean up your hands.”

Blaine handed Kurt the pack. Kurt offered Blaine a small smile back. Kurt opened the pack and popped a piece of gum in his mouth. “My favorite. Thanks, Blaine,” Kurt said sincerely.  

“Well that’s a start,” Blaine thought to himself.

“You’re welcome. Come on, there’s a bench outside of the pharmacy. We can fix you up there,” said Blaine as he grabbed the bag and got out of the car again. Kurt tried opening the door but Blaine beat him to it. Kurt was very uneasy on his feet due to the emotional exhaustion, so Blaine guided him to the bench. After they sat down, Blaine opened the ointment and got the bandages prepared. He opened the rubbing alcohol and the bottle of water. After rinsing off Kurt’s hands with the water, he tried to pour the alcohol over the scraped knuckles.

“Son of a BITCH!” hissed Kurt, flinching his hand back.

“Sorry, Kurt. It needs to be done,” apologized Blaine. It really did look like it hurt.

“S’ok,” mumbled Kurt painfully. He watched the traffic going by to avoid looking at his mangled knuckles. “Can you get me another piece of gum? It really helps with the pain.”

“What? You plan on chewing the whole pack at one time? Really, Kurt, this is not like you. Usually you share!” Blaine admonished him while grabbing the pack out of Kurt’s shirt pocket and giving Kurt a quick tickle down his side.

Kurt giggled and twisted his body away from Blaine’s hand. Blaine knew all of Kurt’s ticklish spots and could be merciless. “What? No. You can have ONE piece. Besides it eases the pain. I’m chewing for medicinal purpose!” Kurt insisted.  

Blaine was pleased a little playfulness had crept back into Kurt. He kept working on rendering first aid and asked, “So I trust things didn’t go very well?”

“No!” Kurt exclaimed. His happy expression then turned somber. “The bitch threw a shoe at my head! Got me good too,” he said as he attempted to rub the back of his head with the free hand. “Feel here.” Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hand and had him feel the growing goose egg of a lump.

“What!?” Blaine said, head snapping up to look at Kurt with surprise. “Did you just say she threw a shoe? At your head? Was it a Croc?” Blaine added with a snicker. He couldn’t help himself. This was too funny.

“I wish it was! That deceptively comfy but ugly shoe wouldn’t have hurt so much! I had just given her the finger, and she threw a shoe at my head. That woman has good aim!” he said nonchalantly.

“The finger? Oh, Kurt,” said Blaine shaking his head not even trying to hold back the laughter anymore.

“Well, she deserved it,” informed Kurt like it was a matter of fact. “Needless to say, I never want to see or talk to her ugly face again.”

“Okay, Kurt, now that’s just not nice,” admonished Blaine, but Kurt just shrugged in response.

Blaine finished putting on the ointment and was in the process of wrapping his boyfriend’s hands in bandages. “I’ve got an idea. After we finish with this, we can go to The Lima Bean and I will get you a Mocha so filled with fat that we will have to roll you away.” As Kurt was about to protest, Blaine interrupted, “No arguments, mister! You will also be getting a chocolate chocolate chip muffin, and you will like it! Then we will take that to-go, and then I’m taking you to the lake in the park. You promised me a talk, remember?”

Kurt tried to give him a hard look but the sincerity in his boyfriend’s face stopped him. “That would be nice, Blaine,” he said simply.

After making sure the bandages were secured, Blaine leaned over and kissed Kurt’s button nose. Kurt tried to rub it away, but was unable to because of his bandaged hands. He looked at Blaine and scrunched his face.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you were adorable?” teased Blaine as he pulled Kurt up for a hug and a quick kiss.

*****

After grabbing their desired fat-filled beverages and desserts, the two men made their way to the central park in Lima. There was a beautiful willow tree beside the lake, and it would be the perfect place to snack and talk.

Blaine grabbed a blanket from the back seat and handed it to Kurt. “Can you hold this since I need my hands for the drink?” he asked. “I don’t think you’re in a good state to carry cups,” he quipped.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine but took the blanket and dessert bag in his arms. He looked a little silly with the bandaged hands, a bit like a mummy. They walked from the parking lot to the tree by the lake. Blaine found an even piece of ground and put down the beverages. He then took the blanket from Kurt and spread it on the ground. He took the bag and helped Kurt sit down. After Kurt got settled, he picked up the drinks and had a seat himself. It was a bit of a juggling act, but no one got hurt, so that was a plus. Blaine ripped off a piece of the paper bag holding the muffins. He held it in front of Kurt’s mouth. “Spit!” he commanded and Kurt gave up his gum.

“I’m quite capable of getting rid of my own gum, Blaine!” Kurt returned.

“Sure you are. You’d swallow it if I didn’t keep an eye on you,” Blaine ribbed Kurt.

Kurt’s eyes went wide and he shook his head in disbelief. “You’re impossible sometimes. You know that, don’t you?” he countered back to Blaine. 

Kurt was able to hold his drink with a little effort, so he took it from Blaine with thanks. He took a small sip and let out a moan of pleasure. “Next time I ask for a low fat mocha, please give me a smack, Blaine.”

Blaine looked at his boyfriend with amusement. “Sounds like you don’t need me anymore. If you will excuse me,” he said as me pretended to get up.

“Freeze, you!” said Kurt, laughing. Blaine sighed in mock surrender and sat back on the blanket.

“So when you say I should give you a smack, do you mean with my hand or a shoe?” joked Blaine. That earned a side-long look from Kurt.

“Yuk it up, smartass. I’ll never hear the end of that, will I?” said Kurt, chuckling. Now that he thought of it, it was a pretty funny way to end such an epic fight, if not a painful one.

“Not for the next several years, no,” answered Blaine and snorted when Kurt gave him a whack in the arm with his bandaged hand.

“Ow! Why did you let me do that?” cried Kurt, cradling his injured hand. Blaine gently grabbed the offending hand and gave it a kiss.

“Better?” asked Blaine and kept hold of the hand. Kurt nodded. They stayed like that, looking at the boats on the lake, until they finished their drinks. As they finished, Blaine took the empty cups and took them over to the trashcan.

“Don’t go scavenging, Blaine!” Kurt teased.

Blaine shot Kurt a dirty look. “I stopped doing that weeks ago!” Blaine teased back. Returning to Kurt, he grabbed the muffin bag carefully as he didn’t want it to tear down the rest of the way and spill out the muffins.

Kurt snickered, “Should have let me swallow my gum.”

“Quiet, you!” Blaine laughed back. “Let’s move the blanket under that tree so we can lie down and enjoy this beautiful weather for a while longer.” Blaine wiggled his eyebrows romantically. “We have this part of the park to ourselves.”

Blaine laid the blanket under the large willow tree. The sun had since burned off any moisture on the ground from the storm, so it was very comfortable. Kurt joined him and put his head on his boyfriend’s chest. Blaine curled his arm protectively around Kurt’s waist.

“Mmmm, this is nice,” Kurt murmured. “I really needed this.”

“Me, too,” said Blaine, playing with Kurt’s spiky hair. “So, other than the projectile shoe, what happened with Rachel?” Kurt buried his head in Blaine’s chest and shook his head, trying to shake off the embarrassment. “It was getting pretty loud down there, Kurt. We almost went down to intervene. It was sounding as crazy as the video game upstairs was. By the way, did you know that you can blow yourself up?” asked Blaine.

Kurt looked up at Blaine as if he lost it and said, “What in the hell are you talking about, Anderson?”

“Never mind,” said Blaine, shaking his head and chuckling. “So what happened with Rachel?”

Kurt put his head back on his boyfriend’s chest and sighed, “There really isn’t much to tell. We “broke up” as she put it. I told her she was a selfish bitch and gave her several reasons why. She basically told me I was wishy-washy and gave me several reasons why. We yelled and she threw a shoe at my head. Oh yeah, and I gave her the finger. It was fitting.”

“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine repeated. This was not good at all. “Are you sure things can’t be fixed? Are you okay?”

Kurt sat back up and looked down at a supine Blaine.  “I’m not sure they can be. It was pretty bad, Blaine. I think this friendship is broken forever. I may not look like I care very much, but I admit my heart is broken.”

Blaine sat up and took Kurt in his arms. “Damn. I know what you’re doing Kurt. You’re pretending that nothing hurts. I did it myself years ago. It’s called putting up walls.”

Kurt laid back down and wrapped his arms around Blaine. “I know and it’s killing me! I don’t know what has happened to me lately. I always thought I was a pretty put-together guy. Then yesterday happened, and I became a human powder keg! Yeah, Rachel deserved what I told her, but not in the manner I said it! I was so mean, I even scared myself!” he pulled away and looked at Blaine with tears in his eyes. “Blaine, I’m scared,” he said, his voice cracking. “I’m scared about what I might become. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I seem to be hurting everyone around me. Please tell me what to do, Blaine?”

“There’s no real answer, babe,” explained Blaine as he used his thumb to gently wipe the tears from Kurt’s cheeks. “I think the best way is just talk it out. You need to be able to express your feelings. Keeping them in all the time is what caused you to blow. I can guarantee this has been building up for a long time. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Kurt nodded. “I just never thought it was fair to bother people with my problems,” he said, shrugging. “I figured I would deal with them myself, and I guess keeping them to myself meant that I was suppressing them. The glee club were there for me to a point, but they all had issues of their own to deal with. Look at Quinn. My issues are minuscule compared to her pregnancy.”

“Kurt, they are different but no smaller than anyone else’s,” Blaine said and took Kurt’s hands in his own. “Do you know what happens when you compress something, then pile more shit on top and compress that?”

“Not really,” responded Kurt.

“Think of gunpowder. The more you compress, the bigger the bang is supposed to be. The same can be said about feelings. If you try to push them down, eventually things are going to push back and be strained. Then you have so much stuff pressed in a teeny tiny space, it just takes one spark to blow things sky high! Do you know what that spark was?”

“The letter,” said Kurt, realizing what Blaine was getting at.

“The letter,” repeated Blaine. “That was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back; that was the spark that caused everything to blow. That’s why you feel like you are out of control, Kurt. You are having a hard time dealing with these feelings. It’s perfectly normal considering the shit you have gone through over the past several years.”

“That makes sense, I guess,” Kurt said quietly.

“Of course it does,” Blaine assured him. “You deal with this atom bomb of emotion the only way you know how. You build massive walls to contain it. Nothing comes out and nothing goes in, and what is the best way of building those walls?” Blaine asked, moving into therapist mode. Several years of therapy were sure coming in handy right now.

“By pushing people away!” said Kurt, finally understanding. “But that doesn’t make sense either. I don’t push you away.”

“Do you trust me?” asked Blaine.

“Of course! I trust you implicitly! Why would you ask that?” exclaimed Kurt.

“Don’t misunderstand me, Kurt. I’m not questioning you. You don’t push me away because you trust that I won’t hurt you intentionally. You also trust that I have your best interests at heart, as you should.”

Kurt looked at his boyfriend, stunned. How did he find someone so smart? “Blaine, you are a genius! A regular Einstein,” he said, launching into his arms.

Blaine laughed, “Just several years of therapy, my love. Now I should warn you, this is not over. Identifying the issue will not make it go away. You were delivered a great blow of bad news. You’re going to revert from time to time.”

“How do you know?” asked Kurt.

“Because I was in the exact same place you are sitting now only three years ago after my bashing. I went through a wild child phase, and I did some really stupid things. I became very angry, and I built very similar walls. There was no sense dragging everyone down with me, right?” Blaine said, shrugging.

“Three years later, I still have my moments. Remember that fight I had with Sam when he first returned to glee club? It didn’t make sense, did it? We are the best of friends now, but back then I was dealing with some stuff and I put up the walls to protect myself.”

“But what were you dealing with, Blaine? You could have talked to me about it,” assured Kurt.

“And I will, someday, babe,” said Blaine and kissed Kurt’s cheek. “Now is not the time, but I promise I will tell you.

 “Thank you,” said Kurt simply.

“Why?” asked Blaine, puzzled.

“Just thank you,” answered Kurt. “I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“Not if I can help it, Kurt. But you need to talk to me, okay? I don’t want this happening again. Like I said earlier today, you are going to give me an ulcer! I’m here, always,” said Blaine and kissed Kurt softly. “We have time. Is there anything else bothering you?”

Kurt rubbed his face. “Oh boy, what ISN’T bothering me? Do you have a few weeks?”

“One thing at a time, hon. It’s all we can do. Baby steps, right?”

“The smart nuggets just keep coming!” Kurt laughed. “You really should become a therapist.”

“So what’s eating ya, Joe?” said Blaine in a silly voice.

“My boyfriend, the comedian,” quipped Kurt. “Well, I guess I’m feeling extremely lost because I had absolutely no backup to NYADA. I still blame Rachel for that one.”

“Kurt, do you really blame only Rachel?” said Blaine, looking at his boyfriend appraisingly.

Kurt sighed. “Nooo. It’s my own fault for not having a backup plan. But I do blame her for getting me swept up in her NYADA fever. I should have applied to backups, especially considering how selective they were supposed to be at NYADA.”

“We’ll figure this out,” said Blaine. “While you apply for schools for next year, you can take part time courses here at the college. There is always your job at the tire shop, right? Once I go back to school, your dad can always use someone in the office.” Burt offered Blaine a part time job in the office of the shop to get some real life experience to put on his resume. The job would continue on the weekends in the fall if Blaine wanted it.

 

“That’s hardly ideal,” said Kurt hesitantly.

“At the risk of sounding entirely cliché, we need to handle the cards we’ve been dealt, Kurt. Look on the bright side. You spend the year here with me and then we both go off to New York together. I promise, I will make your stay here very pleasant,” Blaine said, running his fingers on Kurt’s chest playfully.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Anderson? ‘Cause if you are, it’s working,” Kurt growled into Blaine’s ear.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not Mr. Hummel,” answered Blaine in a low, sexy voice.

Kurt pushed Blaine back onto the blanket. “You are impossible! Trying to get me all worked up like that,” he said as he put his head back on Blaine’s chest.

“To paraphrase our dear Santana, payback is a bitch,” said Blaine, encircling his arms around his boyfriend again. “Remember last night much?”

“Oh you liked it! Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t like sexy Kurt. Hell I liked sexy Kurt. I think sexy Kurt will be out a lot more,” teased Kurt.

“Hey, I plead the 5^th,” Blaine chuckled and kissed Kurt on the forehead.

“I love you, Blaine Anderson,” said Kurt, looking up into Blaine’s eyes.

“I love you too, Kurt Hummel,” said Blaine, looking down into Kurt’s. “Let’s just enjoy some time being together. What say you?”

“I say that would be heaven,” said Kurt and replaced his head on Blaine’s chest and closed his eyes.

******

Kurt and Blaine weren’t the only couple dealing with big changes. 

Rory and Sugar were sitting on her front porch, sipping lemonade and staring a bleak future in the face. Rory wanted to go home, and he wasn’t happy. He missed his family in Ireland. Brittany’s family didn’t mind if he stayed and were even pushing for Rory to stay. But he didn’t want to. He wasn’t comfortable there anymore. He secretly wondered if they liked having him around to translate what was going on within Brittany’s strange and magical world. They were sometimes so clueless about her behavior. Sugar, on the other hand, wanted him to stay.  Things were going well with Sugar, after a rocky start, she had become a member for New Directions and was a part of a Nationals-winning Glee club. All she needed was the boyfriend and Rory served that purpose.

For Mike and Tina, the realization they were going to be separated by geographical barriers had finally sunk in. Tina had been appalled by her secret desire to trap Mike into staying by getting pregnant. She recognized she would need to stop watching Teen Mom. But for a brief second she flirted with the idea. Mike had no idea how much longer he and Tina would be together. She wasn’t the dancer he was, so the idea of her following him to the same college seemed a little unrealistic.

Sam and Mercedes were also struggling. Sam had inadvertently set Mercedes on a career of music by posting a video of her performing on YouTube. Mercedes had picked up a contract in LA as a back-up singer/studio singer and was leaving soon. It was a great job opportunity not to be missed. Sam was heading back to stay with his family for the summer but would be returning to McKinley in the fall. The Hudson-Hummel household welcomed him with open arms. The original plan had been for him to house-sit when the various family members were out of area on business or away at school. Of course most of that had changed, but Sam had been assured he was still welcome to stay regardless. 

Joe had secretly hoped something more would come out of his budding relationship with Quinn. She pretty much had stopped seeing him after she was able to walk again. Joe briefly thought she might be the one and was glad he hadn’t foolishly pursued her further. She was heading off to Yale without a second glance back. Joe intended to keep himself busy working several Vacation Bible Schools this summer as a youth assistant teacher. There were several pretty girls also volunteering so things were looking up, if the good Lord intended of course.

Brittany either didn’t get it or understand that Santana would not be with her at school next year. She had floated through the last few days in her normal state of slightly-out-of-touch-with-reality mode. It was finally dawning on Santana that while Brittany loved being with her, sharing her days and nights with her, Brittany was not in love with her. It hurt. It was making Santana’s decision to pursue college in Louisville easier. It was a good school, she would be doing what she loved, cheerleading, and there would be so many opportunities to explore other women with similar feeling as her own.

So much was changing with the New Direction kids. Their world was never going to be the same. No going back. The past was done and the future an empty canvas.

**********

Kurt and Blaine spent a couple hours at the side of the lake, just quietly enjoying each other’s company. As the sun started to set, they grabbed their blanket and bag and started walking slowly towards the car, hand in bandaged hand.

“Blaine?” Kurt asked.

“Hm?” answered Blaine. He looked over at his boyfriend.

“Do I have to go back...I mean do I have to go back to being that old Kurt? I’m not sure if I liked him very much. This new Kurt kind of scares me, though,” said Kurt, shuddering at the thought of the fight with Rachel a few hours ago.

“I’d be lying if I said things could go back to exactly the same as they were,” said Blaine knowingly. “I think you need to find a happy medium between the two.” He stopped and turned towards his boyfriend, putting his hands on Kurt’s shoulders. “All that I ask is that you don’t lose that sweet, kind, sexy Kurt that I fell in love with. Deal?”

“Deal,” said Kurt and continued walking.

It was Blaine’s turn to ask a question, “So Kurt?”

“Yes?”

“Please don’t hurt me for asking this, but do you still love Rachel?” Blaine asked, hoping Kurt wouldn’t get angry at him.

“Why would I hurt you? Do you want the truth?” Kurt asked. Blaine nodded.  Kurt continued, “Of course I do. She’s my best friend. Well she WAS my best friend. I miss her so much right now it is physically hurting my heart, but I think things are irreparably damaged.”

“Kurt, I’d be happy to mediate for you if you wanted to talk to her. I’d be there in case your emotions got the best of you. I know how crazy you are for each other. You have done so much together, and you can’t let this come between you forever,” said Blaine vehemently.

“I would in a second, but I’m still very angry at her for her selfishness. She needs to learn that she can’t walk over people in her climb to the top. She hurt me way more than I think you realize, Blaine,” said Kurt, shaking his head. “So I can’t, not right now.”

“Well, you let me know when you’re ready,” said Blaine as they got to the car.

“Why can’t we go back a week, when things were so much simpler?” said Kurt. “Growing up sucks!”

Blaine was about to do the gesture for “preach” but thought better of it. “From your mouth to the spaghetti monster’s ears, good sir,” he said instead.

They got in the car and Kurt gave him a look. “You are so weird,” he said and added, “Look, would you mind terribly if I went out to the backyard hammock alone for a little while when we get home? I really need to digest what you said.”

“Of course not, Kurt. Take all the time you need. I know this is a lot of shit to process. I’ll just watch the game with Finn,” said Blaine as he patted Kurt’s knee. Blaine felt his phone vibrate and discovered a text from Rory.

Can we get together this Sunday?

“Is it Rachel?” asked Kurt. He really hoped it wasn’t her.

“No, it’s Rory. He wants me to go to Church with him,” Blaine answered.

“Oh. Well, that’s fine. Just don’t expect me to go,” Kurt replied. Kurt had definite feelings about religion and church. He went with Mercedes that one time and their friendship changed afterwards. She pushed for him to come with her again, and Kurt simply couldn’t. It caused a rift that never truly repaired itself.

Blaine returned a text to Rory agreeing to meet him on Sunday. Blaine was well aware of Kurt’s feelings about religion, and they conflicted directly with his feelings. Blaine was wise enough not to bring them up right now. That was a talk for the future.

“No problem, Kurt. Rory doesn’t like to go alone. Besides, you like sleeping in!” Blaine said while poking Kurt in the side.

Blaine turned on the radio, hooked it up with his phone, set it to a playlist of their favorite songs, and hit shuffle. “There, that was easy,” Blaine thought. His big brother, Cooper had laughed at him suggesting, “Just turn on the radio and take your chances with it!” However, Blaine liked to have some control in his life, and his music choices was one of them. There wasn’t much else he could control.

Blaine glanced over at Kurt and received a smile of approval.  As they turned into Kurt’s neighborhood, one of their favorite songs came up so Kurt started to sing along:

“You used to talk to me like I was the only one around.
You used to lean on me like the only other choice was falling down.
You used to walk with me like we had nowhere we needed to go.
Nice and slow, to no place in particular.”

Once they reached the house, Kurt got out of the car and kissed Blaine. He then started walking down the driveway slowly and continued singing:

“We used to have this figured out. We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control.  We never thought. We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back? Can we get this back to how it used to be?”

Rachel was out in the backyard. Finn had fallen asleep on the couch, and she needed to go out and do some thinking. The hammock in the backyard was always a pleasant place to think. The sun had completely set and the stars were coming out.  She could lie down and look at those stellar bodies for hours, dreaming of her future shining just as bright. Her stardom wasn’t on her mind, however; it was her ex-best friend.

She lay down on the hammock, looking into the sky and began to sing:

“I used to reach for you when, I got lost along the way.
I used to listen. You always had just the right thing to say.
I used to follow you. Never really cared where we would go,
Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.”

Rachel sat up, overcome with emotion. She had to talk to Kurt. They couldn’t leave things this way. In the meantime, Kurt was walking down the driveway. He heard Rachel’s clear beautiful voice singing:

“We used to have this figured out. We used to breathe without a doubt.
When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.
We used to have this under control. We never thought. We used to know.
At least there's you, and at least there's me.
Can we get this back? Can we get this back to how it used to be?”

Rachel turned towards the driveway to see Kurt standing there. Despite the new clothes and the black spiky hair, he had the same look on his face as it was before everything turned upside down. There was none of the tough-guy façade here. This was the Kurt she adored. As they both sang, they started walking slowly towards each other:

”I look around me, and I want you to be there
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Look around you. It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.”

When they were within touching distance, Rachel reached her hand and sang:

“You used to talk to me like I was the only one around,
The only one around!!”

As they sang the last chorus together, Kurt was about to reach out his own hand and take Rachel’s but changed his mind at the last minute. As they concluded the song, he started walking backwards, staring at Rachel with tears streaming down his face. He shook his head and Rachel rushed forward.

When they finished, Rachel went to hug Kurt, overcome by the emotion of the song. Kurt put his hand up, stopping her. “Rachel, I can’t. I love you, but I can’t get hurt again. Maybe someday we will be friends again, but right now, I just can’t. I’m sorry.” He then turned and ran up the back stairs into the house.

Rachel was left standing there, not believing that he was gone. It was really, really over. She slowly walked back over to the hammock and lay down again, staring at the stars. Then she broke down crying like she never cried before. Her heart was well and truly broken.

**********

A/N Awww, it looks like things aren’t looking good for Hummelberry! The song is called Used To by Daughtry. I found it while looking through my iTunes for song ideas. I thought it was quite fitting to the situation. Again, thanks for reading and chapter 8 will be released soon!