Cruel Summer Chapter 8 - Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

Word Count: 6,900/189,000

Rating: PG-13

Summary: After Kurt was rejected from NYADA, we were dying to find out what happened next. We couldn't wait for the September premiere. Here is our take of what happened from the letter opening and beyond.

Author's Note: And yet again we are overwhelmed with gratitude for you guys! This AN is going to be short as I am a little bitter and I want to save it for this next chapter I am writing (and it is a doozy). Got some bad Glee news a couple nights ago and I’m still trying to accept it. Good news for our dear readers is this story just got expanded!!!

Disclaimers: Neither AlignedStars nor KurtsieKalanai own Glee. If we did, season 4 episode 4 will be about unicorns and bunnies, not what it is really going to be about. Second, we don’t own the songs in the fic. We do use songs like the show but they fit into the story. Songs will be linked at the end of chapter. Third, this is AU so things do not work EXACTLY like canon. We try to stick to canon the best we can, however. Characters may be OOC, but there are reasons why. Remember: Help us avoid a life of crime! Keep us off the street by keeping us home reading your feedback…and by extension, writing more!!

Thanks: To the best Beta in the world, Wayne Kotke, and the gang at Gleekast. And also to our loyal readers, we kind of live for you!! And yes, I am bitter. :P

***************

After arriving back home and recognizing Kurt’s need to be left alone, Blaine went inside the Hudson-Hummel house to find Finn. Finn was always good for a game of some sort, whether it be video or televised. Finn, slightly groggy from taking a nap, caught Blaine up on a game currently playing on the TV.  As Finn dozed back off, a little bit of drool formed in the corner of his mouth and was working its way down the side of Finn’s chin. Grabbing the box of tissues, Blaine went over to Finn, nudged him back awake and offered him the box.  Finn woke with a start and not realizing Blaine was offering the aforementioned tissue, wiped the spit off with the back of his hand and spotting a perfectly good victim in Blaine, wiped the spit on Blaine’s sleeve. Blaine jumped back and yelped, “Ewwww!” 

As if that weren’t enough, Blaine knocked over the lamp table next to Finn’s chair spilling the remote and an empty pop can.  Both boys scrambled to pick it back up when they heard the back door slam and someone run up the stairs. Next a bedroom door slammed. They jumped up in surprise, bumped their heads together by accident, proclaimed, “Ouch!” and shared a surprised look because they each thought his significant other was outside alone.

Blaine sighed. “That must be Kurt,” he said rubbing his forehead and making his way to the bottom of the stairs. Sure enough, Kurt’s bedroom door was shut and music started blasting from behind it.

“Kurt was outside?” Finn said, surprised. “I thought he went upstairs when you said you wanted to see the game. Rachel went outside to hang on the hammock for a while. Her fight with Kurt really shook her up. I’ve never seen her so pissed. And when she gets pissed she can be dangerous! I thought she might start throwing things. Once she threw a hairbrush at me!”

“Did she hit you with it?” Blaine asked, suppressing a smile.

“Nope, I was already out the door.  Rachel slapped me in the hallway at school,” Finn added.

“I’ve noticed girls like to slap you at school,” Blaine commented while fighting the urge not to laugh out loud. 

“Yeah, I wonder why that is?” Finn questioned, looking totally mystified. 

Blaine side-eyed Finn and tried to stifle a laugh. “Remind me not to piss off Rachel anytime soon! She threw a shoe at Kurt and hit him in the back of the head. I really shouldn’t, but I have been teasing him relentlessly about it. He needs a little humor in his life right now,” he added sadly.

“So if Rachel was outside…” said Finn, pointing at the backyard.

“And Kurt was outside…” finished Blaine, looking up the stairs.

“Oh, shit!” they both said as Finn headed for the back door and Blaine ran up the stairs.

The soundtrack to Wicked was playing loudly on Kurt’s iPod, but Blaine knocked on the door. Yet again, the door was locked.

“Who is it?” Kurt asked from behind the door.

Blaine could tell he had been crying again. “Poor Kurt,” he thought to himself. “Is he trying to torture himself? It really does feel like a breakup.”  Among the New Directions, Wicked was known as the “Kurt and Rachel Show.” The two were forever singing songs together from it much to the chagrin of the glee club. On the bus back from Chicago, the group threatened to bind and gag the two of them if they didn’t stop singing the entire musical, from beginning to end, again. Four times was more than enough!

“Babe, it’s me. Can I come in?” called Blaine. Kurt was going to need some major consoling, especially since it appeared he had another altercation with Rachel. Emotions were running high in the Hudson-Hummel house tonight.

“One moment, Blaine,” said Kurt as he was banging around. After a few seconds, he unlocked the door and opened it for Blaine. His eyes were puffy and red.

“Are you okay? Finn and I were talking and we heard you barreling up to your room. Did you and Rachel get into another fight? She didn’t hit you again, did she?” Blaine asked and leaned in to touch his boyfriend’s arm. Kurt shook his head no and stepped back to avoid the contact. Blaine looked at him, hurt. 

“Blaine, I’m sorry. It’s not you. I’m just afraid that if I let you touch me, I’ll collapse in your arms and be inconsolable for the rest of the night. I just need a couple hours. It has been a crazy day and I just need to decompress. You understand, right?” he said, looking directly into Blaine’s eyes.

“Of course. I’m not mad. Things have been overwhelming for you the last two days. Finn is about to leave to pick up Carole. Do you mind if I go along for the ride?” asked Blaine. Kurt shook his head no. Blaine continued, “That should give you some time to yourself. Rachel is going to hang out downstairs or she might decide to stay outside. Just don’t leave the room till I get back, okay?”

Kurt let out a shaky laugh. “Now I’m GROUNDED by my own boyfriend. How’s that for a kick in the ass?” he said sarcastically.

Blaine wagged his finger at Kurt. “Don’t make me give you corner time, too!” Blaine teased.

Kurt grinned back at Blaine and said, “Okay, okay, I’ll behave!”

“Go work on your closet, silly. It will keep you busy.” Blaine suggested.  

Blaine leaned over and gave Kurt a quick kiss, being careful not to touch him. Kurt gently touched his curly hair and let his hand trail down the side of his face. “We’ll get through this, right?” asked a pensive Kurt. “Because I’m starting to think this is it.”

“Oh it’s going to suck a lot before it gets better, but it will get better,” Blaine said, gently squeezing the hand on his face. “I gotta go. I’ll see you very soon, love.” Blaine turned and made his way back downstairs. Kurt closed the door and turned back on the iPod. 

Blaine made his way into the family room and sat in the easy chair to lose himself in the game while waiting for Finn. He just needed a couple minutes to relax. This past day and a half had turned into every level of crap. Unfortunately, Kurt had to get through it at his own pace, or he would never get better. Blaine was patient, though, and felt he could outwait Kurt.

He ran his fingers through his curls, not really caring about messing them up. He put his hand on his neck as if to massage away the tension of the last couple days and put his head back against the chair. He could wait, but right now he was so tired...

“Dude, this shit is messed up!” said Finn, exasperated as he lumbered into the family room. “You would swear that Rachel was Kurt’s girlfriend the way she’s going on.”

“Actually, I think Rachel thinks of herself as Kurt’s boyfriend,” Blaine interrupted. 

Finn ignored him and continued, “Now she refuses to come inside unless Kurt personally goes out there and apologizes!”

Blaine lifted his head and looked at Finn and said, “Finn, you have no idea how strong a bond those two have! If it weren’t for us menfolk, I’m sure they would be inseparable. You also know we are dating two of the biggest drama queens in the world, right? Unfortunately, I don’t see the apology happening any time soon. Rachel might want to go home. Kurt is in his room listening to show tunes at an ear-splitting level.”

“Yeah, I know, Wicked. I hate that musical!” said Finn.

Blaine looked at him, horrified, “Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that!”

“What?” Finn was totally confused. “Anyway, about Rachel and Kurt. It’s still messed up.”

“If Kurt and I weren’t completely and utterly devoted to each other, I would almost be jealous of the relationship they have,” said Blaine, standing up and clapping Finn on the shoulder. “I think time is the only thing that can fix this.”

Finn sighed. “Blaine, what is with you and all that deep shit? I think in simple concepts. Something is in the way, I move it. Something needs to be done, I do it.” He kicked the couch, although not very hard. “Damn, why is she so complicated?”

Blaine shrugged. “Women...what can you do? That’s one of the reasons I’m glad I’m gay. Men are so much easier to understand.” He walked over to the stairs and looked up. The door was still closed. Blaine walked back to Finn and looked at him seriously. He would probably get a pounding for what he was about to say but he went for it. Finn needed to be distracted. “If you ever decide to, you know, change sides I have a couple friends that are your type,” he joked and took off running to the kitchen to avoid Finn just in case Finn didn’t appreciate the joke. 

Finn just stood in the family room, totally confused for a moment. He called into the kitchen, “Dude, you are so lucky I know you’re joking, and if you weren’t practically my brother, I would beat your ass.” Finn had a moment of wit and walked into the hall to put on his shoes. “Besides, if I decided to ‘switch sides’ as you so nicely put it, you would totally be my type. I think Kurt would have competition,” he said and waited a couple of beats. All of a sudden Blaine peeked his head around from the kitchen doorway and lifted his eyebrow. 

Finn laughed and Blaine said, “Well played, sir.” 

“You coming with me to pick up my Mom?” asked Finn. Blaine nodded and put on his shoes. “I’m sure Rachel will be fine, but I better let her know what’s going on,” he said as he went to the backdoor. 

“I’ll just wait outside by the car,” said Blaine and he went out the front door. Once outside, Blaine looked up to Kurt’s window and saw the black-haired man looking down at him. Blaine made his hands into the sign of a heart and blew him a kiss. Kurt put his hand on the window and waved sadly. After Kurt turned away from the window, Blaine sat on the front step to wait for Finn.

A minute or two later Finn came around from the side of the house. “Okay, let’s go,” Finn said and unlocked his car. After they were in and buckled, Finn turned to Blaine. “Are you sure we should leave them alone like this? Rachel is pretty upset. She was pacing around the yard muttering to herself when I went back there. You gotta know how scary that is.”

“Don’t worry. They’ll be fine,” assured Blaine. He gave Finn a smile. “I grounded Kurt to his room till I get back.”

Finn looked at him with a lopsided grin. “Can you do that?” he asked sincerely. 

“Of course,” Blaine responded while poking Finn. “I’m in charge!”

“Smartass! No you’re not. We all know Kurt is,” Finn said as he turned on the gas and backed out of the driveway. He turned on the classic rock station that was playing Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” and started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music. Blaine just nodded his head to the music and hummed along.

The chorus started and all of a sudden Finn sang, “Sweet Caroline!” Then he and Blaine sang, “BAH BAH BAHHH,” really loud at the same time. They looked at each other briefly and started laughing. At least it broke the tension of the current drama in the house.

As they left their neighborhood, Finn said, “So about Kurt.”

Blaine sighed, “Yeah.”

“What in the hell happened, bro? The last time I saw him somewhat normal was when we were in the choir room opening those letters. I could tell he was upset, but he said he wanted to be alone, so I left him alone. Next thing I know, we were at that gay bar and Kurt was some scary goth vampire dude. Did he lose it?” Finn inquired.

Blaine chuckled. “Finn, leave it to you to boil it down into the lowest common denominator.”

“Huh?”

“I mean you have a penchant for simplifying things,” explained Blaine.

“I have a what for what?” asked Finn, totally confused.

Sometimes it was so hard to talk to Finn! Blaine shook his head. “Nevermind. Let’s just say that yes, he lost it.” 

“Dude, that sucks,” Finn said slowly.

“It sure does,” said Blaine. “But we’re working through things. Don’t worry; I won’t give you all the boring details. There was kind of another reason I wanted to come with you though.” He didn’t dare say “ulterior motive” because he would just confuse poor Finn. He loved the big guy, but he sure could be dumb sometimes! “I wanted to talk to Carole about things before she got home, and I didn’t want Kurt around. He’s pretty sensitive right now, and I need to let her know what’s going on. I also wanted to ask her to talk to Burt before he gets back.”

Finn let out a low whistle. “Yeah, good idea. Apparently Burt is severely pissed off at Kurt right now. Might be a good idea to let my Mom know what’s in Kurt’s head. She can soften the blow and help him get better quicker.”

Blaine looked amazed, “Finn, that has to be the deepest thing you have ever said to me.”

Finn responded, “I’m slow, I’m not stupid! It just takes me a while to get something.” He playfully punched Blaine in the arm a little too hard. “I just think you’re rubbing off on me.”

“Thanks...I think,” said Blaine as he rubbed his arm. Damn that boy was strong!

They drove in silence for a few minutes when Finn asked, “Blaine?”

Blaine was looking out the window deep in thought and was startled by Finn’s voice. “Yes?” he answered.

“So I’ve been thinking about what we talked about earlier.”

“Calibrating video game controllers?” Blaine responded, confused. “I promise I won’t blow myself up again.” While playing the game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare III, Blaine had shown him how to calibrate his controller for better game control. Finn had thought Blaine was joking about calibrating them. “Who knew?” Finn thought. Sometimes Blaine could be so amazing. But Finn wanted to discuss something else. 

“No, dude, the army! Maybe I’m rubbing off on you now,” joked Finn.

“Sorry, my mind was somewhere else,” said Blaine. He instantly converted to Dr. Blaine, glee club therapist. “So you were thinking about the army again?” he repeated.

“Yeah. I haven’t really told anyone about this, but there’s a good reason I want to join. I told you about my dad, right? I mean, Burt is great and all. I couldn’t ask for a better dad, but my real dad was a hero in the army. Well, at least I thought he was. I was thinking of joining a few months ago, but Schue told Mom and she told me the truth.”

“Which was?” asked Blaine. He was dreading the answer.

“Dad didn’t die a hero. He died in Cincinnati from a drug overdose. He was dishonorably discharged and took off. He had what Mom called Post Dramatic Stress Order or something like that.”

“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,” corrected Blaine.

“Yeah, that. Mom said to call it PTSD. Anyhow, I want to join the army and try to fight the dishonorable discharge. At the same time, I might be able to find some direction and provide well for Rachel while she’s in school.” Finn shrugged. “I’m still not sure what to do, but I’m going to look into it tomorrow, I think.”

Blaine put his hand on Finn’s shoulder gently. “Wow, man, thanks for telling me this. And other than your mother and Burt, I’m the only one who knows?” 

Finn nodded, “Well, other than Schue and Ms. Pillsbury, you’re the only other one who knows.”

 Blaine looked at him. “Again, wow. Thanks for trusting me with this. This is a pretty big thing for you, and a huge decision. What you say stays with me. I won’t even tell Kurt.”

Finn shrugged, “You can tell him. He’ll find out eventually anyhow. He needs to know why I want to do this.”

“I’ll let you do that, Finn. Does Rachel know?” asked Blaine.

“Shit, no! I wouldn’t dare tell her in the mood she’s in. But I really should, huh?” inquired Finn as he fiddled with the volume on the radio.

“It might be a good idea, Finn. After all, if you join it’s going to affect you both quite dramatically. You have to go through basic training and will be away from Rachel for some time. Then who knows where you‘ll be stationed. You can request a certain base, but it’s not guaranteed, and we know Rachel is determined to stay in New York for Broadway.”

“Yeah, I never thought of that. You seem to know a lot about this. Were you thinking of joining, too?” asked Finn.

“Oh, hell no!” Blaine said explosively and gave a nervous laugh. “When I came out, Dad threatened to ship me off to ‘straighten me out’. He forced me to read all these recruitment pamphlets. He wanted me to go to New Mexico of all places. Said it would make a man out of me. Totally not my thing. At all.” Blaine realized he was wringing his hands and stopped. 

“No offense, but your Dad kinda sounds like an asshole,” said Finn noticing Blaine’s discomfort.

“That’s the understatement of the year,” Blaine muttered under his breath.

“What?” asked Finn. He hadn’t heard what Blaine said.

“Nothing,” said Blaine, diverting the conversation. “You know if you ever want to talk, you know where I am, right?”

“Thanks for the talk, dude. Did anyone ever tell you that you should become a shrink or a counselor or something?” Finn said. “Like, you are great to talk to, and you always have the best advice.”

“Actually, funny you should say that. Kurt said something very similar to me earlier today,” said a very pleased Blaine. It always felt good to Blaine to be recognized for doing or saying something right. He never got it at home. Most of the time, he was ignored unless he was in trouble. Blaine was often amazed by the frequency he got into trouble. When he was younger, Cooper, his older brother blamed him for most things that went wrong. Once Cooper was gone, the blame continued. It always confused Blaine. At one point, he figured it was simply because he was born so late in life to his dad. His mom was the second trophy wife for a successful businessman. He was never meant to be. Blaine was jolted back to the present by Finn’s next words. 

“Well it’s true. Maybe you can talk to Ms. P about it when school starts next year,” encouraged Finn.

“Yeah. Maybe, I will,” said Blaine, a bit pensive. He could always do a double major in psychology and music. Musical therapy was a very valid occupation, after all. But his dad probably wouldn’t like it.

“Anyway,” said Finn, changing the subject. “Looks like we’re near the airport. We’ve got time. Do you mind if I grab a burger? Do you want something?”

“Sure,” Blaine responded. “I’d love one.”

Finn spotted a Golden Arches Palace and pulled into the drive thru. He ordered a triple burger with extra cheese, super large fries, a fried apple pie, and sixty-four ounce drink to wash it down with. He turned to a slightly horrified Blaine and asked him what he would like.

“A regular Cheese Burger, small fries and small drink, please,” Blaine answered. 

“Make that two,” shouted Finn into the restaurant speaker. 

Blaine grimaced. Not what he planned on but okay. What Kurt didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

After picking up the food, Finn drove to the cell phone lot at the airport to wait for his mom to call him. Finn and his mother had spent years carefully counting their pennies. Paying any longer to park at the airport was not something Finn felt comfortable doing. 

Finn started to chow down on his food. Blaine quickly realized how hungry he really was, and the triple burger was really tasty.

“Don’t tell Kurt about this,” Blaine said as he polished off the last bite of his apple pie. 

“Trust me, I would never. I can’t even bring a meal like this home without catching hell from him and getting a lecture about fatty heart stuff. Our secret, okay?” Finn responded and he held up his fist for Blaine to do a fist bump. Blaine returned it with a smile. It was nice to have a guy friend like Finn.

Finn’s cell phone went off. His mom had landed and would meet them at the luggage carousel.

“Let’s get my Mom so we can get back to Rachel and Kurt before they kill each other.” Finn said wearily.

*********

After waving goodbye to his boyfriend, Kurt slowly walked around his room. He had to get out of this funk, but it was proving impossible. He thought of the talk with Blaine in the park and vowed never to bottle up his feelings again. If he had an issue with something, he was going to voice his opinion, no matter what!

Unfortunately, he still felt like he was holding onto his emotions by a few threads, and they were slowly starting to snap. “I think I’m going to ask Dad and Carole about some therapy. Blaine is great, but I need someone who is unbiased,” he thought. He was going to get this under control...someday.

“What the hell happened to me?” asked Kurt to himself. “I used to be Mr. Fabulously Put Together. Now I’m just a great big hot mess.” He sighed, walked over to his bed and threw himself on it, staring at the ceiling. “It’s been a shitty two days. I just wish there was a time turner like in Harry Potter,” he continued talking to himself.

Just a few weeks ago he was on top of the world. New Directions had just won the National Championship, and graduation was on the horizon. He had a hot and oh-so-dapper boyfriend, and he had a best friend going with him to New York! Oh, the thought of promise and hope, excited for what may lie ahead in the future.

Now everything was essentially in ruins. He got drunk and pissed off Will and Emma. “Not the brightest thing I’ve ever done,” he thought to himself, “and who knows what Finn thinks of me now.” He wasn’t going to New York and was stuck in Lima for a least another year. His dreams were ground to dust with absolutely no direction, and the worst part was that he lost Rachel Berry, the best friend he ever had because of his big stupid mouth.

Well at least he had Blaine, for now. Eventually he would get tired of Kurt’s outbursts and leave, just like everyone else. Then he could host the ultimate pity party for himself.

He rubbed his short spiky hair and said to the ceiling, “I said it before, and I’ll say it again. Growing up sucks!” 

He looked over at his bedside table and spotted the frame with the shattered glass. He sighed and picked it up. At the same time, “For Good” from the Wicked soundtrack came on the iPod. “How poetic,” scoffed Kurt. This was the anthem of Miss Rachel Berry and Mr. Kurt Hummel. Now they were enemies again, just like first year of glee club.

He looked at the picture and ran a finger over the scratched part. “We wasted so much time hating each other instead of being friends.” he murmured. “Now it looks like the idea of friendship with Berry is blown out of the water.”

He missed her, really and truly missed her. It felt like a piece of himself was missing. Of course, he wasn’t interested in her romantically, being gay and all, but they did have a strong bond. If he was interested in girls, Rachel would totally be his type. She matched him in awesomeness and talent. “Well, at least my former awesomeness. Not too awesome anymore, eh, Hummel?” he thought to himself bitterly.

Kurt got up and went over to his closet. “Might as well do something constructive with my time,” he mused.  Looking at the bags filled with his new clothes, he was momentarily appalled with himself for leaving them all balled up. Now he was going to have iron each and every piece. Kurt sighed and pulled out the t-shirts and started to hang them up on his cedar hangars. Rubbing the fabric between his fingers he noted how thin the material was; not the higher thread count he was accustomed to wearing.  Checking the stitching around the neck he saw how poorly sewn it was. No pride in workmanship. With a flash of horror, he grasped he had bought sweatshop merchandize. Now he felt twice as bad. “I have sunk so low, so low.” He moaned. “I want my old clothes back,” he wailed in despair. “No, Kurt! No I don’t want them back! But I will be more careful in my clothing purchases from now on. There must be a higher quality version of this new look! And if there isn’t, I’ll just make my own.”

Content with his compromise, he thought back to the last time he had bought “cheap” clothes: The Brittany Fiasco.

Kurt tried the girl-dating thing one time. That’s all it took.  Did that, bought the flannel t-shirt, and brought the damn thing back. Brittany was so sweet, and damn she was a good kisser, but that was just not Kurt Hummel’s thing. He preferred the kiss and the musky smell of a man.

But in the back of his mind, he thought, “What if? What if I stayed in the closet and continued to date Brittany or even Rachel if Finn didn’t have her. Would I have been tortured by David and his gang? What if I decided to skip going to Dalton and not met Blaine. How would my life be different now?”

Kurt noticed that his mind began to wander from the original task at hand. “Focus, Kurt!” he admonished himself. “Finish the organizing the closet.” But his mind drifted back to the damaged New Directions picture. All of his best friends in one place. “They probably all hate me now,” he said sadly. 

He walked back over to the picture, wondering if he could get a new copy made and started tracing his finger around all of his friends. 

Finn, his first crush turned into the brother he secretly desired as a child. There were times he wanted to kill the big lug and other times to hug him. They had both matured over the past two years.

Blaine, the love of his life, his first boyfriend, his first lover, his confidant and who knew, maybe future husband, the one person who truly accepted him unconditionally, the one person Kurt didn’t want to disappoint.

Santana, who was becoming a good friend and her sweet girlfriend Brittany. Brittany would always be his first real kiss. The irony of Kurt’s only official girlfriend liking other girls was not lost on him. He shook his head. Life was funny that way. 

Then there was Mercedes, a great friend who sadly drifted away over the years. Tina who was so sweet and kind to everyone and Mike, who could help anyone learn how to dance, even him. Artie, well Artie was basically a nice guy who could be a little blunt at times. Sam, who was willing to help anyone out any way he could. 

Quinn, what could he say about Quinn? She was her own brand of crazy but very loyal. She never complained when she was paired up with Kurt as a dance partner during group numbers. He knew he was way beneath her in the social ladder at school. He thought back to the first time they had danced together and she had leaned in to him and told him he smelled nice. It totally floored him. Kurt thought Quinn was going to cut him down as she did so many others beneath her.   

Puck, a guy who always looked out for Kurt, well at least he eventually did. At first he was Kurt’s worst nightmare. Throwing him in the dumpster every single morning before school, pushing him into lockers, the toilet swirlies that messed up his clothes and hair, all of it horrible; but things started changing when Puck found himself on the other side of the fence. He was bullied just slightly, but enough to make him stop going after Kurt and stand up for him instead.

The new kids: Rory, who had a kick-ass falsetto, second only to him; Sugar, who really did live up to her name; Joe, who might not share the same belief as Kurt, but who became a good friend nonetheless.

There were several adults in the picture. Brad the piano player, who was the strong silent type. He never spoke to the kids in the classroom. In private Brad had told Kurt he was proud of him after Junior Prom and had worked with him extensively for the NYADA audition piece. Brad had also told Kurt he was his favorite performer in the classroom. Kurt’s heart had soared to know he was someone’s favorite. 

Coach Sylvester, who always had a soft spot for Kurt. She was genuinely upset when he couldn’t keep David out of the school. He would always thank her for giving him a chance on the Cheerios!

Emma, who was a bit odd but very well meaning, occasionally took over the group when Will couldn’t be there. And last but not least was Will, who really cared about this big dysfunctional family. 

There was one person he missed. Rachel. Insanely driven Rachel Berry! She always made sure the entire group pulled their own weight and would call people out if they slacked. Once she got over herself, she became a best friend to everyone. Too bad that damn initiative and drive took over her common sense more times than not and drove everyone crazy. 

He put his finger over her scratched image. “Dammit, Berry, why do you have to be such a bitch? We could have gone so far. I would have written a musical for you to star in. Now we have nothing.” He put the picture on bed beside him and put his arm over his head. The tears started to flow again, as he lamented losing everything he loved.

As he cried, the soundtrack for Wicked was coming to an end. One of the last lines of the show was, “Who can say if, I’ve been changed for the better. Because I knew you, I have been changed…for good.” Rachel Berry brought out the worst in Kurt Hummel, but she also brought out the very best. She pushed him to do things he would never have thought possible. Hell, she got him to audition for the best musical theater college in the country!

But she was so selfish! It was her one great fault. She tried to control everything around her to fit her little schedule in her pink journal. It was ridiculous. Kurt tried to show her that it was okay to improvise every once in a while, but she just didn’t seem to get it. “I’m sure she even schedules her bathroom breaks,” he thought as he grabbed a tissue and wiped his eyes.

Well he wasn’t going to compromise anymore. “She has treated me like a punching bag and puppet for the very last time,” he said resolutely. He then started to think about all the great times they had together; the duets in the glee club, the countless weekend sleepovers. There had been several attempts by Kurt to make over Rachel only to have her back in those stupid animal sweaters.  Oh, well! He had sort of tamed her eyebrows. The best memory, however, was the one that started the tears up again. Singing “For Good” at the Gershwin Theater in New York City. That was the start of Kurt’s Broadway dreams. He always thought he would work in a prestigious fashion house or at least planning layouts for Vogue magazine. 

“Now here I am, a Lima Loser once more,” he said softly. He didn’t bother getting up to change his iPod over to another playlist. He instead grabbed and hugged the frame to his chest, turned on his side in a fetal position, and started weeping anew.

The singing started again, but it was not from the iPod. It was from Rachel.

****************************

Rachel spent several minutes, after Finn left to pick up Carole, pacing the backyard muttering. She was so frustrated with everyone and everything. She stopped, stuck up her pointer finger and started ranting, “First, I have to find a way to win Kurt back! I expect him to be here. I need a confidant to share backstage gossip and news. Kurt’s the only one who could be trusted to keep quiet, unless, of course, it would help further my career. I need Kurt to plan my outfit schedule and keep track of my hair and nail appointments. I need him to remind me to breathe! As a young ingénue, I will need to have a faithful sidekick! Kurt will need to be there to prop me up after a particularly hard day at rehearsal, to accompany me to society parties when Finn wasn’t available because he was home taking care of our fourteen adorable children, adopted from around the world.” Rachel stuck out two fingers and yelled, “Second….” She stopped and found herself looking around bewildered. A prop…a sidekick…

“Oh my,” gasped Rachel and stopped pacing. That is exactly what Kurt had said to her earlier. “It seems like the only reason I am even in your world is to be your prop, your best gay. Unfortunately it has brought me nothing but heartache and pain,” he had said to her during their fight.

“What have I done to you, Kurt?” she said to herself, horrified. He had to be devastated by the rejection to NYADA, and all she was doing was shoving her acceptance letter down his throat. Not once had she been there for her best friend. Because he was NOT a prop, NOT a sidekick, how could she have been so cruel? She adored Kurt, and would do anything to help him realize his dreams. Unfortunately her ambition for her own dreams was just a little bit stronger. She would need to back off, a little bit. 

But instead of pushing him harder, it occurred to Rachel that she had climbed over him with no regard to his feelings. She thought it was just to prepare her for the harsh reality of the “eat or be eaten” attitude of Broadway. But Kurt wasn’t really competition, was he? It wasn’t like they would be auditioning for the same roles. Well they probably wouldn’t, Kurt may like to sing girl songs but he wasn’t planning any major body modifications. In fact, she had hoped they would star opposite each other. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

All at once, she understood everything Kurt had told her today. Her eyes went wide. Yes, she had made some very valid points, but Kurt…he was hurting and all she could think of was Rachel Berry. Had she been like this their entire relationship? No wonder he had hated her when the glee club was first formed! No wonder he hates her now! 

“What have I done?” she repeated, shocked. “Well, it seems there’s nothing that can be done about it now,” she said letting out a heavy sigh. She would turn in and wait for Finn to come home, and maybe, just maybe, try to talk to Kurt in the morning. Maybe he went to the airport with the boys. She really didn’t blame him for not wanting to be near her right now. It was an emotionally exhausting day for all, one to rival a great romantic drama.

Rachel slowly made her way up the back porch stairs and let herself in the back door. She locked it and made her way to the fridge. “All this crying requires lots of rehydration. I must keep myself healthy. So regardless if Kurt and make up or not, I will still need to look my best,” Rachel lectured herself. She grabbed a bottle of spring water and made her way up to Finn’s room. She was surprised to hear “For Good” coming from behind Kurt’s bedroom door. He must have decided to stay home after all. This was their favorite song since they sang it in New York.  They took every opportunity to sing it to each other whenever they could. 

As she got to the top of the stairs, she could hear desperate sobbing. Her Kurt was distraught and she couldn’t be there for him. She almost knocked on the door but thought better of it. Rachel went into Finn’s room to change.

She put on a pair of her pink silk jammies with matching fluffy slippers. “Might as well get comfy until Finn gets home,” she thought. She might even be asleep depending on how late they were going to be. After thinking about things some more, Rachel decided it might be best to sit down with Blaine and have a good heart to heart with him, too. All of this must be so hard for the poor boy, Blaine being the boyfriend and all. He was practically family. 

She looked over to Finn’s bedside table and saw the framed picture of New Directions with the words “Best Friends” on it. Kurt had bought one for Finn when he bought one for himself. Unfortunately, Kurt’s frame was now shattered. She flipped it over to see if Kurt had left a price sticker on in. Not that she cared what it cost, Rachel was hoping to find out what store it came from so she could replace Kurt’s damaged frame.  No such luck. Kurt was always so careful in his gift giving. He had not only removed the price sticker but had removed the sticky residue, too. Rachel could not let such a thoughtful man out of her life. She must win him back. 

Rachel studied the group picture of New Directions after winning Nationals; they all looked so happy and carefree, unaware of all the drama that was to come. She ran her fingers over the Kurt’s face on the picture and sang:

“You were once my one companion. You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and ally. Then my world was shattered.”

She put the frame back on the table. The music had since stopped in Kurt’s room. She stood up, walked to the window as she looked out and continued:

“Wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed, somehow you would be here
Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you helped me to do all that you dreamed I could.”

Kurt was spent. He didn’t think he had another drop of moisture to cry out. He had heard singing, but it wasn’t coming out of his iPod. The singing was Rachel.

He put the frame on the table and stood up, slowly making his way to the door. He quietly opened and door and walked to Finn’s door, listening to her sing.

“Passing bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental
Seem for you the wrong companion, you were warm and gentle”

It felt so good to sing and get out some pent up feelings. Rachel felt the need to walk over to the bedroom door, but she wasn’t sure why. “Go with your instincts, Rachel Berry!” she thought to herself.

“Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die!

Wishing you were here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive teach me to live
Give me the strength to try!”

Kurt could hear the pain in her voice. He had listened to enough of her emotion-soaked solos to know when she was hurting. She wrote a song about her headband for goodness sakes! She continued:

“No more memories no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye
Help me say goodbye!”

As Rachel finished the song, Kurt put his hand flat on the door and then almost knocked. He decided against it. As he turned to leave and go back to his room, the door suddenly opened. He turned again to face the door to find a very surprised Rachel in her PJ’s staring at him.

“Rachel…” he whispered at the same time she said, “Kurt…

*********

A/N Yikes! What do you think is going to happen with Hummelberry? I don’t know if you have noticed, we are trying to fill in the blanks from the actual show while trying to make it natural. Hope it is working! Song is “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” from the musical Phantom of the Opera.